There is a young lady on my team who is going to school to get a few courses done while she works here. So it turns out she has an assignment to do about how guys have a macho attitude, or as she said machismo. So she hit me and Super Steve up for a couple of questions she has to do for her survey. She wanted a question she could ask to see how brave people are. Super Steve came up with the idea for Russian roulette, like he said nobody in their right mind would want to do this. Maybe if you are stoned or drunk, or fucking crazy as he put it. So I had to come up with a stellar answer for her because Steve popped out one so quickly. On went the thinking cap and this is the first one I came up with.

If you were faced with the situation would you pull the trigger and kill someone in cold blood I asked her. Well now I thought I was on jeopardy or something; am I mad at this person? Am I in danger? Am I being threaten she asked me? No I said would you just kill a person in general if it was a him or you situation. Most people would hesitate and end up getting kill is what I think of the situation. Killing is wrong I know but to be honest we are animals after all so killing is an instinct that we try hard to suppress in every day life.

The other one I cam up with to see how people would re-act is another good one in my mind. If faced with the choice between you and your loved one dieing who would you choose to live? If it was me and my wife I would gladly die to save her. Most people would save themselves because people are afraid of the great unknown that death represents to us. This young lady I am talking about did not even hesitate with her answer either, put it this way I would not want to be in her boyfriend’s shoes in that particular situation. Anyway I am tired and my train of thought is wandering away so I will quit while I am ahead. Have a good weekend everybody talk to you all later.



Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this
hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?"

"I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to his
boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun while you're standing in the shade?"

"Intelligence," the boss said.

"What do you mean?"

The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your
fist as hard as you can."

The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand
and the ditch digger hit the tree, immediately clutching his hand in agaony. The boss said, "That's
intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back to his hole, still in pain. His friend asked, "What did he say?"

"He said we are down here because of intelligence."

"What's intelligence?" said the friend.

The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."

Well I had yesterday off because it was thanksgiving in the U.S and we did not have to work if we did not want to. So I stayed home and got to sleep in which was nice and plus it breaks up the week a bit better. Anyway I was bored so I started playing a computer game Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2 , I usually play skirmish mode against two or three computer opponents but I got sick of beating them on all levels of difficulties. So I started playing the campaign, there is some thing to be said when playing a game on default level and you are hanging on by the skin of you teeth the whole time. Makes for a good strategy game, but I notice when playing all these type of games you always start of at a disadvantage because the computer is always three steps ahead of you. But then again maybe that is why we feel a sense of accomplishment when we beat the snot out of the computer. I think after I finish with the allies campaign I will give the soviet campaign a whirl and see how that goes. See this is why I have a computer at home so I can play video games, most people use it for email or surfing the web but not me, I guess I still have that twelve year old kid in me who used to pump quarters into the arcade games lurking around deep inside. Anyway enough of babbling I guess talk to you all later have a good day everyone.

While waiting for a bus, the blind man's dog decided to go to the bathroom
all over the blind man's legs.

A passerby commented to the blind man, "What! That dog just went to the
bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?"

To which the blind man replied, "Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling
for his bottom, so I can kick him."

Well guess what everybody someone has finally woken up and figured out an important fact in our lives. All you Americans out there who get a bunch of AOL Cd's in the mail take heed. Sanyo Electric Company has heard the call and has taken up arms in the fact they will be producing biodegradable disks made from, guess? Corn! I kid you not; it would take 85 kernels of corn to make a 12cm disk that will break down into carbon dioxide and water after 50 to 100 years. Yes a long time but at least it will degrade which is more than we can say about our current disks. I bet they will put a warning label on that one though because I can just see some fool trying to butter on the damn thing and trying to eat it. Anyway I got to go and get too work talk to you all later, have a good one everyone.


The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?"
"A horsy," one child answers.
"And this?" the teacher asks.
"A piggy." replies another youngster.
"And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a
male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only total
silence.
"Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll give you a little hint.
What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot?"
"I know! I know!!" exclaims one little girl. "It's a horny bastard!

All things considered I have a half decent weekend. We have a house guest for the weekend which puts a damper on things in my mind. It is not the same when you have a guest because you don’t feel comfortable in doing the normal every day things because you are watched all the time. Other than that in got too watch some good movies though which killed the time, all though it was no easy task because the said person was a loud talker. Why this person needed a phone is beyond my comprehension, I swear they thought they were on a ship to shore radio or something, better yet open the window and stick your head out they will hear you. So imagine trying to watch a movie like that? No easy task. Needless to say I did not shed any tears when that person left on Monday. Neither did my wife for that matter, as she said nice to have our house back which was my sediments exactly. Anyway got too go and get to work I guess talk to you all later have a good one everybody. I had this joke emailed to me the other day so I saved it for my post today I thought it was funny.



A true Player

One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards with some friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across the table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on.

He sat up and was flushed. He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and said "Did you like what you saw?" Mike said yes I did.

She said, "Well you can get more than that but it will cost you $500." So Mike thought about this financial situation and said O.K. She said come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then.

Mike said, "I'll see you then."

The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left.

Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today?"

She said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did."

Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you."

Ah well not much to write about today except they are really some stupid people out there. Come on face the facts I know it and you know it, I came across a site on the net about dumb warning on the internet and I will show you some of them. The really truly scary part is they must have put silly warnings on products because somebody got hurt or injured and tried to sue a company for being a moron.

Liquid Plummer Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages

Toilet Plunger Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Hair Coloring Caution: Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Mattress Warning: Do not attempt to swallow

Swedish Chainsaw Warning: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

Various Computers Warning: Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue

Rowenta Iron Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.

There you go how is that for lame, especially since some one some where had to try this stupid shit in the first place. Well got to go and get too work talk to you all later.


Subject: It's not the size.
Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why
the head
on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took 2 years and cost
over $180,000.00. The results of the study concluded that the reason
the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man
with more pleasure
during sex.

After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their
own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the
US study were incorrect. After three years of research and cost an
excess of
$250,000.00, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger
than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex.

When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided
to conduct their own study. The Poles didn't really trust the US or German
studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and at a cost
of right around $75.00, the Polish study reached a conclusion. The Polish
study came to the final conclusion that the reason the head on a man's penis is
larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting
you
in the forehead.

I see Michael Jackson is catapulted back into the news. Seems he is being accused of molesting a child again. Well I don’t know if he did it or not, but who knows he looks like a person bit off center of balance to me. He got accused before and settled out of court and now here he is on the chopping block again. Now if I was a parent and he was accused and settled out of court in my mind that would be guilty because if I was accused and I was innocent I would fight tooth and nail to clear myself. Mind you would have the stigma of being a child molester following you around but at least you could look yourself in the mirror. So here is a man who confesses to sleep in the same bed with young children. Would you let your kids do this? I don’t care if he is a celebrity or not what the fuck were you people thinking? I bet they did it so something would happen so they could do a major cash grab and sue him. Poor little Johnny or Susie is scarred for life, oh well let’s get rich! Gotta love it hunh? So even if he was found guilty how much do you bet he would not do hard time, I bet the jail or prison he would end up in would be more of a country club. If he is guilty I would like to see him to go a ”REAL” prison like San Quentin where he would get passed around like the communal offering to see how he likes being exploited, that is if he is guilty. If he is not guilty, well then how about stop sending your kids over there giving fuel to more controversy. I mean really how about hanging out with people your own age. Anyway got to go and get too work, talk to you all later everyone have a good one.

Four women were chatting in the locker room, when one of them
mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms for male
masturbation jerking off, wanking, spanking the monkey, and so
on there weren't any common terms for female masturbation.

"I've always called it 'jilling off'," said one of the women.

"But that's just a feminization of 'jacking off,'" said the first.

"You're right," said another. "We don't seem to have any slang
terms of our own for it."

The fourth woman snorted. "After fourteen years of marriage,
there's only one thing I call it."

"What's that?"

"Finishing the job."

Can someone tell me what the big deal about Jessica Lynch is? Sure she was a soldier; sure she was captured and interrogated. But so was a lot of other soldiers, I have seen articles on the web were she said she was slapped and stabbed and so on and so forth. Ever read Bravo Two Zero ? it is a story about the British SAS ( Special Air Service) which is a special forces patrol that became compromised behind enemy lines in Iraq and a couple of them were captured. Now those gentlemen were seriously beaten and tortured for an extended period of time.

The point being is how is this girl all of a sudden “America’s Sweet heart” or “America’s Hero”? Personally I think it is because she is young and relatively good looking. The fact she is not butt ugly probably helps her popularity some what. Dare is say it? Yes I will the last reason is I think is because she is white, there now is out there. I have seen other women soldiers who were captured but nobody is making a big deal about them either. Is it because they are black? If so I think it is a shame to the highest degree, and an outrage. Anyone who have been captured and made it back should be all treated in the same high standard. They all have done the same sacrifice and paid the same dues in being captured. So why is the spot light shinning on her then? Probably because they can use her as a poster child for white Middle America, considering a bulk of the United States are from an ethnic background this is very unusual. African Americans, Hispanic, Asians, Middle Eastern people, Native Americans and even more groups of people make up a huge population in the states. I think they are all getting a raw deal from this to say the least. Anybody else out there ever think about things like this? I do I do not know why it bothers me but it does. Mostly because I do not treat anybody different because of the color of their skin but as sad as it is in this day in age there are people that do. Fifty years from now I wonder if there will be any change. Hopefully it will as it is time for people to smarten up and get with the program. That is my two cents for today I guess, I find it amusing people are auctioning off things with Jessica Lynch on it, for example $5 for a refrigerator magnet? Jesus wept let me tell you, got to go and get too work I guess talk to you all later. Have a good one every body.

The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the
football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run
smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a
shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred
yard dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a
football?"

The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few
seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can
probably pass it."

Another week has begun. I did not do much this weekend but I did go and fix two computers yesterday (one of them had the KLEZ virus for example) at my wife’s work place. I guess her boss felt a bit guilty about getting me out there yet again on my day off so he paid me $50 which I did not expect in the least but it was nice to feel appreciated. Had another bout of insomnia last night, I hate it when that happens. Alternating staring at the ceiling and the clock while you twist and turn, when sleep almost has you in its grasp you cough or your shoulder cramps from lying on your side too long. Then the clock goes off in the morning and you feel like a turtle trying to hide in your shell hoping if you burrow under the blankets the screeching sound will stop then you think malicious thoughts about the fate of your alarm clock. So then you are resigned to get up seeing the damned thing won’t stop anyway and stumble through the morning hoping your brain will clear the cobwebs away with the help of some coffee. That is how my morning is going so far, have a good one everyone talk to you all later.

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the
students, pointing out some of the rules, saying, "The
female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male
students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anyone caught breaking this rule once will be fined $50."

He continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule a second
time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will
incur a hefty fine of $400. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How
much for a season pass?"

Last night I started to read the Long Hard Road Out Of Hell which is the autobiography of Marilyn Manson. To say it is interesting is an understatement to say the least. Seems he had a very weird child hood and a lot of what he talks about I can relate too. Especially the parts about going to a Catholic School and having to adhere to the dress code and chafing at all the stupid rules they have. Been there done that and have the t-shirt, mind you it is not a long book and the print is big so I expect I will have it read by Sunday at the latest. Not tonight though I have other plans *grin*. The other book I have is about biker gangs and about a guy who was supposed to be a hit man for the Hell’s Angels. Which is going to be a good read as well, I have read about 4 books about them so far and it never fails to be a page turner. So I am looking forward to reading this one, it was yanked off the book shelves in Atlantic Canada because there were names of people going to testify and have not gone to trial yet. So my wife spotted the book when she was up in Alberta and got it for me. Anyway enough of babbling I guess I will talk to you all later have a good one everyone.


A new teacher was trying to make use of her
psychology courses.

One morning she started the school day by
saying to her class, "Everyone who thinks
you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Elwood stood up.

The teacher asked, "Do you think you're stupid,
Little Elwood?"

Elwood replied, "No, ma'am, but I hate to see
you standing there all by yourself!"

Today is Friday which is a bonus because my wife well be home today * insert mischievous grin here* and I get to go to training all day. That is another bonus because I don’t have to take any calls for eight hours. Mind you I know the training on our new product is going to be boring because I have already seen it and used it anything that gets me off the phone is a good thing. Yesterday was not a bad day all things considered I guess In the way of calls. One call does stick out in my mind. A woman I was talking to in New York was acting very distracted while I was on the phone. So I asked her what is wrong. She told me it was very windy there last night then she went silent and said WHAT THE HELL?” so I asked what? She told me there was someone out side her window, so I said it may be the wind moving trees and bushes around. She agreed and kept looking, and then she said no there is someone there. Now I can tell a person’s mood as soon as I start talking to them. For example if you are mad or snotty on the phone I will have you calmed down and laughing at the end of the call. Well she was scared and I could hear it in her voice. When she told me she had to go I told her to hang up and call 911 right away. Better safe than sorry I figure, even if the cops came and it was only trees or bushes what ever have you moving around all you would feel is foolish and relieved. But if there was someone there trying to take advantage of the bad weather to prey on others……

Some times yes I do wish I could get my hands on some of my callers, and yes I would probably do them bodily harm. But when it comes to some thing like that I find it creepy to say the least especially when it comes to a woman home alone because I can think of my wife in the same situation. So I hope she is okay and every thing is well I am going to check when I get to work after to see if she called back. Hopefully she did. Anyway I got to go and get ready to head to work, I don’t have to be there until eleven this morning which is a far cry from my usual nine thirty. So have a good day everybody talk to you all later.

Three old timers were relating their most exciting experiences.
The first, a retired sheriff, described the terrifying excitement of a shoot-out
with Bonnie and Clyde back in his younger days. The other gents nodded and
agreed that that, indeed, would have been exciting.

The second, a retired fireman, related the tale of a huge fire at the university
several years back. There were flames, firetrucks from several area fire
departments, but the most exciting part were the naked coeds jumping from their
dorm windows into his arms. The others gents agreed that had to be a very
exciting time.

The third guy started, "I was an undertaker. One night I got a call to pick up a
body that was under a sheet in a hotel room. When I got there, the guy had a
huge erection. I knew there was no way I could get him through the lobby like
that. So I found an old broom and whacked that erection just as hard as I could
to make it go down." He paused. The retired fireman asked, "So, how was that
exciting?"

The undertaker answered, "Well, you see, I was in the wrong room."

Why is it some days go faster then others I wonder? Here I am at work and there are days when time goes by in a blink of an eye and other times it draws out like a never ending piece of string unraveling from the fabric of time.

TICK

I wait for a call browse the internet for awhile to kill some time, I take a couple of calls knowing that sometimes they are long.

TOCK

I glance at my clock on the computer screen and the numbers there taunt me. FIFTEEN minutes has passed. FUCK! Is this day ever going to end I wonder.

Ever have a day like that? Yesterday was the same thing when I got home. It always seemed later than it actually was. My son commented on the same thing, so I was not the only one that felt time was moving slow. I sure am looking forward to this weekend, my wife will be back on Friday and I am looking forward to some QUALITY time with her. So today is Thursday and it will not go by quick enough for me. So have a good one everyone talk to you all later.

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced
with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick
and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put
on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of
little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to
be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a
major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day.

To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors. She asked
the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled
squeegee, dipped it into the toilet, and then cleaned the mirror.

Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

Yesterday I was watching TV and I ended up watching Seinfeld, it was one of the shows I had never seen before. It was the one where jerry was dating a woman who did not laugh but her room mate found him hilarious so he was attracted to her instead. So jerry and George were plotting how to switch from one roommate to another. So George came up with the idea of a manage a tois so she would get mad a clear the way for Jerry. Well she was into the idea and when jerry told George he was not going to do it, George freaked out. All in all I laughed my ass of at it, too bad there are not more sitcoms on TV that make me laugh as much as that show does.

I cannot wait until Friday because my wife left on Sunday to go too Calgary to visit her sister. So my son and I are doing the bachelor thing which is alright I guess but it boring with nobody to talk too when he goes to bed. It is strange how much difference there is in the house with a woman around. Plus my bed feels empty with out her and I toss and turn all night. Alas I am domesticated I would imagine maybe that is why I feel lonely without her. Anyway I got to go and get too work talk to you all later have, a good one everyone.


John and Mary had been high school sweethearts, but they had never had sex.
"We'll have to wait until we are married," she told him.
So he waits...
They are engaged three years, and finally the big day rolls around. On their
wedding night, Mary comes out of the bathroom, and says, "I have some bad
news. I have my period, and I don't want our first time to be all bloody!"
John says, "You're kidding!"
Mary says, "We'll just have to wait a bit longer." Mary goes to sleep, and
wakes up at 3:00 am to get a drink. On her way back to bed, she notices
Johnny wide away staring at the ceiling.
"There's no use John," she said. "You might as well go to sleep."

"I would, except my dick's so hard there's not enough skin left to close my
eyes!"

Beginning of another week, work is definitely over rated to say the least. It certainly would be nice to win the lottery I would guess but alas I would probably get struck by lighting before that would happen. It is Remembrance Day so thanks to all the people who have served to make the world a better place to live in. the last couple of days I have not done too much except playing the XBOX. In particular I was playing Sega GT 2002 which is a racing game. I started playing last Christmas when we got the game but the novelty wore off, so picked it back up and finally finished it. No was no easy task to be sure because to have to get a license after each stage and you have a bare bone car and a time limit royal pain in the ass. Well I did a long post yesterday so I will keep this one short have a good one everyone talk to you all later.

At a party, a woman was observing a child who would hold his chest
whenever he bent down. After a few minutes, the woman asked the kid,
"Why
do you hold your chest whenever you bend down?"

The kid said, "One day, my teacher was writing on the board,
the chalk fell down, and when my teacher bent down to pick
up the chalk, I saw her lungs comes out of her chest."

The other day my mind started to do a wandering trip down memory lane and I started to think about when I was young. For all of you people over the age of 25 it is a wonder we survived childhood. For example we did not wear helmets when riding a bike, and if you wore one you were considered a pussy and shunned by others and possible beaten up. I had one of those bikes if you can remember them; it was a motor cross bike. It looked sort of like a motorbike really had a tank, shocks and all that good stuff. Besides the fact it was a heavy son of a bitch so maybe that is why I was in so good shape when I was a young grass hopper. Imagine pedaling that thing up a hill. So I got that bike and I used to do jumps on in, using home made ramps. I vividly remember landing on the front wheel a couple of times and luckily gravity bought the rear wheel down before I did a face plant in the dirt. Same goes when I got a 10 speed bike and it was raining, the back brakes got wet and did not work and as I was going down a dirt road I had to put on the front ones so I could stop and guess where I went? Yup did my best superman right over the front wheel. Mind you I got a couple of bumps and bruises but nothing too bad bit it sure could have, toughened me up as we used too say.

As I live in Canada we have long winters up here, not like it is a choice I guess. Any how I remember as kids we used to go out on any ice that was available and play hockey. How did we test the ice? The biggest kid or the heaviest kid went out on the ice and jumped up and down in multiple spots, if he did not fall through and drown the ice was deemed safe by the rest of us. So then we proceeded out to play and try to kill each other on the ice, funny how we DID wear helmets but no other protective gear. So I came to the conclusion that we must have turned out sort of normal with little or no brain damage *grin*, well that point is debatable I guess. We used to throw lawn darts straight up in the air and run to avoid them. They were dammed dangerous things to be sure imagine getting one of them imbedded in your skull back then? You would ended up being a drooling vegetable who would probably be wearing adult diapers for the rest of you life and ride the BLUE school bus too school. Anyway must go I guess bended your ears long enough have a good one everyone talk to you all later.

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they
were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You
know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up
today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south
and spend the day looking around. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our
experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and hikes south.
That night
over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a
beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then
I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched
deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with
butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"

The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks.
I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks.
I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we had sex in every
imaginable way all afternoon.
Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move,

So, I came back to camp."

"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than

mine. Did you get a blow job, too?" "Nah," says the second friend eating his meal,

"I couldn't find her head."

In my job I get all kinds of call from every different kind of people you can think of or maybe some you wish would not call. Two days ago I was talking to a woman who lived in Virginia, now I know I make people comfortable on the phone so she was no exception. She ended up telling me she likes to sun bathe nude in her back yard by her swimming pool. Why I needed to know this for tech support I do not know but it was funny all the same.

Yesterday I was talking to a guy who used to be a 500 pound biker who spent most of his life drinking and doing drugs. So he went back to 180 pounds and cleaned his act up, he also told me he was in the biker gang called the Grim Reapers. But that is not the kicker he was telling me about a porn movie he downloaded where a man inserted his head up to his neck in a woman’s vagina. Now why he told me this one I have absolutely no idea but I must confess I laughed my ass of when he told me that. Then he asked if I wanted to know where to go and download it. I politely refused because why would a man want to do that in the first place and I really did not want to see it. Would any of you want to see that? Can you just say eww? Anyway I got to go and get on the phone have a good weekend everyone talk to you all later.


A wife went in to see a therapist, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every
time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting
yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the
problem is."

"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

I am really glad I am not a soldier in Iraq right about now; they are getting killed over there hand over fist. I was watching the news today and yet another helicopter crashed and another soldier was killed when a convoy was caught in an ambush. So the life expectancy cannot be very high, being in a hostile environment is stressful enough with out wondering if you are going to be the next one to die. A lot of those young lads will come home very combat weary. I would dear say some will suffer from post traumatic stress disorder after seeing some of the shit they have seen. I almost went back in the military just before I started working here; I had just finished doing my medical test and had to do my physical test which is easy. So by now I would probably be over in Afghanistan pulling peace keeping duty. My wife is very relieved that I never went back in but some times I miss the life. Then I remember all those mornings waking up before dawn in a trench covered in mud and a couple days of grime, after being awake for countless hours and I wonder if I am a mental case for missing that? Who knows maybe I am but that kind of life grows on you I guess. Anyway must go and get to work I guess have a good one everyone talk to you all later.



I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me she could see
from the bedroom window that I had left the light on in the shed.
As I looked for myself,
I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned the
police, but they told me that no one was in our area to help at this
time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available.

I said "OK", hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police
back.

"Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my
shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've shot them
all."

Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an
Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars
red-handed.

One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

I replied with, "I thought you said there was nobody available."

Hard to figure out how to dress when coming to work lately, about two weeks ago you could come to work in a t-shirt and two days ago you needed a winter jacket on. Today is nice going to be a bout eleven degrees which is a big switch from the day before, yup real flu weather.

About two days ago my son asked me if I saw the big bee on the window, seeing how I just got up I grunted no and left it at that. When I was more coherent I had a look my self, well it was not a bee but a wasp and a damn big one at that. He is still there stuck to our screen as he did when he landed I guess. Dead as a door nail, he has no visible damage so I expect the cold must have killed him and he never got a chance to get back to his hive. He is in good condition, and if there was a way to get him I would but alas there is not. I cannot open the screen and we are on the second floor so if I flicked him off he would be lost in the grass. My wife wanted me to knock him off the screen yesterday but I said no, leave him there and I will now call him Herman. In all honesty I am waiting to see how long he will last before he either falls off; blows away or a bird eats him. The cool thing is when you go over and look at him through the window you can see his eyes very evil looking to say the least. Anyway must go and get ready to get on the phone have a good one everyone, boring story I know but maybe I will have something better tomorrow. Talk to you all later.

I got this story in an email and firgured I would post it because I laughed my ass off when I read it.

Best Comeback Line Ever


This was the title of an article in the Calgary Sun.


In summary, the police arrested Ward Branham, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Lethbridge, Alberta, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Ward will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Calgary courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop.

"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around there for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Ward went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."

"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Ward apparently failed to notice a police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brin Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Ward) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin. "

Taylor went on to describe what happened when SHE approached Ward. "I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, ...

"A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"

I was watching T.V this morning while I was sipping on my cup of Joe, they had a piece on CNN about cigarette lighters in cars and how automobile companies and put up to five in cars and trucks. Why you maybe asking? Well for such things as cell phones but what blew my mind is this. Some companies are selling curling irons, coffee pots, and frying pans so they can be used in cars. Now why is it I can see someone driving down the road on a freeway or highway some where trying to curl their hair? I mean isn’t there enough accidents with people talking on cell phones so the idea of someone making coffee or using a frying pan to cook their breakfast for example is just scary. Ports for DVD players in the back of a van for kids I can understand but you have to draw the line somewhere I am sure.

Here is the kicker, there is a company in the U.S that sells ADULT toys that can be plugged into a cigarette lighter. Is there really a market for this? I would not to be pulled over by a cop car with a vibrating vagina plugged in. can you just imagine? Anybody else find this idea a tad bit strange? Anyway must go and get on the phone talk to you all later, have a good one everybody.

Two guys had grown up together since they were young. As fate would have it, one guy grew up
being a total ladies' man, and the other guy became a total nerd. One summer day the nerd could
stand it no longer. He asked his friend how he picked up all the chicks. His friend answered, "Just
put a potato down your pants and parade up and down the beach, they'll just run to you."

So the geek said, "Okay! I'll give it a try!"

So the next day he put a potato in his pants and went down to a crowded beach loaded with
chicks in bikinis. He saw his friend surrounded by girls as usual, but none came to him. All he got
was a few weird stares from older men. Dismayed, he went home.

The next day he went to his friend's house and told him his dramatic story. His friend shook his
head and said, "Buddy, you were supposed to put the potato in the front!"

Ah a new week for me has begun; I had yet another three day weekend. I did not do mush as per usual. I did watch two movies however, bowling for columbine and the Italian job. Anybody out there see any of these two movies?

Bowling for columbine was excellent to say the least, I like watching certain documentaries and this one was no different. I think Michael Moore did a good job on this project and it was interest how Canada has a huge amount of gun in our country some where in the neighborhood of 10 million but has only a few gun related deaths as opposed to the U.S. it is strange how two countries can be so close in proximity and yet be so different culturally.

If you get a chance you should see the Italian job as well, it was a good movie as well but did not leave a lasting impression on me as the latter. Have a good one very one talk to you all later.


A man met a beautiful girl, and she agreed to spend the night with
him for $500. So, they spent the night together. In the morning before he
left, he told the girl that he did not have any cash with him,
but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling
the payment "Rent for Apartment". On the way to the office, he regretted
what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the
price. So, he sent a check for $250 and enclosed a note:
"Dear Madam:
Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I
rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied;
2. There was plenty of heat; and
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home. Last night,
however,
I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any
heat, and that it was entirely too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately sent back the
following reply:
"Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such a beautiful
apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there
is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space,
the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough
furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord."