Friday, October 31, 2003

Halloween is upon us and the little buggers will be knocking on our doors before we know it. I have some fond memories of Halloween from when I was younger and it would be nice if we could capture some of that magic now that we are older but alas it is like a piece of silver that tarnishes as it ages. Sad isn’t it? I think it is but what is one to do? Well maybe today will be a slow day and people will not call in, that is a bit much to hope for considering people will call in here on Christmas day. That surprises me to be sure but then again a lot of people are alone on Christmas which is a very sad thing. Anyway must go and get ready to hop on the phone have a good and safe Halloween everyone, talk to you all later have a good one.

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party.
He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so
he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note"
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted
handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg,you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden
leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives
another parcel and a note, which says"

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe
will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his
|wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.
The next day he gets a small parcel and a note which reads:

Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses.
Pour the molasses over your bald head,
stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.


Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co






Thursday, October 30, 2003

I tell you what I just feel so horribly bad for the rapper Nelly who had a million dollars worth of jewelry stolen from his hotel room. What a shame don’t you think? Here we all are trying makes ends meet, trying to stay out of debt and this guy is wandering around with a $1 millions dollars worth of jewelry. The sad part is he probably has more than that not counting his bank account. Sorry Nelly I will go and light a candle and pray for you. Yeah right! He will most likely get mad loot from the insurance company and then turn around and sue the hotel. That would not surprise me in the least. Anyway must go and get to work, talk to you all later have a good one everyone.


One night little Johnny got up to get a drink of water....
while walking past his parents he was forced to stop
and scream daddy daddy what are you doing to
mommy.

The dad simply replied mmmm… just making your
brother Johnny …..go back to bed.

The next day when the dad got home from work he
found Johnny crying on the stoop ....he asked Johnny
what was wrong and Johnny replied oh daddy this
morning I saw the mailman trying to eat my new
brother

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

I saw a little blurb on the news about Pamela Anderson speaking out about unfair treatment of chickens by Kentucky fried chicken. Hmm and fast food company killing chickens for mass production for consumers and your point being? She was babbling on about the treatment of such animals and how they are de-feathered for example, the point she was getting too was about the inhumane way they were being treated. In-humane indeed considering they are not human and they are going to end up in a three piece meal some where in the world. Pamela Anderson of all people I mean COME ON! the credibility factor took a nose dive on that one. We all know she was now imbued with a bucket full of brains and after seeing pictures of her and Tommy Lee plastered up all over the internet and getting spammed with fucking email about it give it a rest your 15 seconds in the spot life has come and gone. Shut up and go away so we can forget about you. If PETA really wants to make a big deal about this get a classy spokesperson about the issue for Christ’s sake. Not somebody we like with the I.Q of a bag of hair and silicon implants to cushion the fall with. At the very least get someone like Linda Blair to speak about it, someone who can put sentences together in a string and no come off sounding like an air head. That is my two cents for today talk to you all later, have a good one every one.




One day a door-to-door salesman knocked on a door. Little Johnny
answered the door and the salesman asked if his mother was home.

Little Johnny said "No, she is at the whore house."

The bright salesman asked if she was a prostitute, and the little boy
replied, "No, she is a substitute. She only works Wednesdays and
Fridays during the rush."

The salesman said, "Well I'll be a son-of-a-bitch."

The little boy said, "Well, I'm one too, but I don't go around knocking
on doors telling folks."

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Hey I am back to work today after three days off and I feel great, I feel refreshed as it were. Mid you I did not do anything exciting at all but that is besides the point. I did however buy two movies U-571 and Blood In And Blood Out.

U-571 I liked the movie when I first seen it so it was a no brainer to buy. Has anyone seen the other movie? It was an older one but I liked it. Hard to describe it you would have to see if for yourself. So I am going to keep this short since I have writers block this morning. Have a good day every one talk too you all later.


A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his
side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns
to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal.
I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my
genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth
for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll
remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing
this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up
on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his
privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator
closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the
alligator hard on the top of its
head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed
his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd
cheered and the first of his free drinks were
delivered. The man stood up again and made another
offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give
it a try".
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to
promise not to hit me on the head with the beer
bottle".






Monday, October 27, 2003

Not much too write about life has been pretty tame this weekend. The NASCAR race was rained out yesterday so I watched it today so I could let my wife know who won. Watching racing is starting too rub off on me I guess because I don’t mind watching it at all anymore and I am getting pretty good at matching up cars with their owners. Anyway must go I guess have a good one every one talk to you later.

A drunk is standing, peeing into a fountain in the middle of town,
so a cop comes up to him and says "Stop that and put it away!"
The drunk shoves his dick into his pants and does up his zip. As
the cop turns to go, the drunk starts laughing.

"Okay, what's so funny?" asks the cop.

"Fooled you." says the drunk "I put it away, but I didn't stop."

Friday, October 24, 2003

Good morning, I was reading the CNN web page and I saw a headline that caught my attention “video game caused death?”. It turn out two teenage boys mimicked Grand Theft Auto 3 which is a video game for x-box, Play Station, computer and so on. Now I have the same game and you don’t see me out killing people do you? No. so the 14 and 16 year old took turns trying to hit the sides of vehicles from a hill top over looking the highway. In the usual fashion the parents are suing the developers of the game, for the grand tune of $200 million in punitive damages and $46 million in actual damages. Take Two (game developers) said they would seek to dismiss the suit and further stated….

"The Company believes that the claims against it are without merit and are similar to lawsuits brought and uniformly dismissed by courts in other jurisdictions where the plaintiffs' sought to hold entertainment companies responsible for the violent behavior of individuals who used those company's products," Take-Two said in a statement.


Well guess what those teenagers were old enough to know better anyways, every one will lay the blame the games, movies and even music. But what I am wondering is how they got the game in the first place? Who bought it for them hmmm I would say the parents, they should also share the blame because do we or do we not teach our kids right from wrong? As well whose rifle had they used? I mean a teenager can’t just walk in a buy a rifle either. Then turn around and sue a game company for a ridicules amount of money? Get real and look in the mirror you kids fucked up. After a certain age if you bought them up with any guidance your job is done and they have to make decisions on their own. Bull shit like that makes me sick; I would like to know how they came up with the dollar amount for that suit. Now way did they do $ million in actual damages. Yes one person died and another was wounded but stop being insane. Anyway must get ready to go to work talk to you all later have a good one everyone.


Little Leroy was at home doing his Math homework.
He said to himself, "two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine".

In that moment, his mother comes in and hears what he is saying.
"Leroy, what are you doing?!
Why are you saying that?"

Little Leroy answered, "I'm doing my Math homework, Mom".

She said, "And is that what your teacher taught you?"

He replied, "Yes"

The next day, the mother, worried about the education her son is
receiving, goes to Little Leroy's school to talk to the teacher.

The mother said to his Math teacher, "I would like to know what you are
teaching my son in Math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition problems."

Little Leroy's mother asked, "And are you teaching
them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

When the teacher stopped laughing she replied,
"Not at all! What I taught them was two plus two,
THE SUM OF WHICH IS four."

Thursday, October 23, 2003

Bow Flex




Never fails every time I am watching TV a bow flex commercial comes on. A man and woman who are in excellent physical shape and who must work out a lot and probably have personal trainers try too pimp out bow flex. I am not enthralled with this product to say the least, I mean when they do not post the price for one is a turn off. Then you here with payments lower than most health club dues does not bode well with me at all. Adds up to something you can bet the bottom dollar is expensive as hell and is going to end up being a big dust collector after the novelty wears off it. If you want to get in shape well then do not eat at Mc Donald’s twice a day, or better yet get off your ass and go and do some walking and save yourself a bundle of money to boot. Besides if I was going to work out I would use free weights anyway because you can get the correct range of muscle movement and opposed to a restricted machine that BENDS of all things which to me is a recipe of disaster right then and there. But that is my two cents worth I guess most go and get ready to go to work talk to you all later have a good one.


P.S. I was just wondering what does every body think of the two pictures I have on the side bar of my page? Just curious is all, the top one I just love for some reason, the bottom one struck my fancy as well when I first seen it. Just wondering what your opinions are.


A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.

"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."

At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow through with his disgusting command.

"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index finger?"

After the class was over, it took the janitor three hours to mop up the vomit.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

So all day yesterday when I tried to lad up my web site all that would show up was the background color. It was a piss off to say the least because I had no idea how to fix it. So when I came home yesterday my friend Steve dropped up shortly after and he as usual taught me how to play some riffs on the guitar. He had been at me for a couple of months to change my template so I let me loose on my site. The end result is what you see right now, he built the whole thing in about two hours. I must say I like it, so how about all of you? I know two people had commented on it last night and said they liked it. So in true fashion with not much to say I will shut up because it is too early to massage the old grey matter awake right now. So I am off to get ready for work have a good one everyone.


A woman has been married to her husband for ten years, and for all those ten
years her husband insisted on making love in the dark.
No matter how much she asked him, he would never turn the lights on.
One night she grew tired of this and turned on the light while they were making
love, and saw that he was using a dildo on her.
She says, "Honey, how could you do this! All this time you've never told me.
Explain yourself immediately!!"
The husband says "Okay, I'll explain.
But first you explain the kids."

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Well I am back after three days off, ever notice the trend on my site? I rarely post anything on my days off. Mostly because I am interested in spending quality time with my family. So I did not do anything exciting of note on the weekend, I did finally get a chance to watch the new matrix movie and I loved it. I cannot wait for the next one to see how the story ends. Steve was right the free way scene blew my mind, the special effects and action sequence was a feast for the eyes to say the least.

At work we had to move yet again basically we go from the front of the build to the back and rinse and repeat. So I had to run around setting up my computer this morning and go back to my old one and forward all the documents and wallpapers to myself along with my favourites for internet explorer. What a pain it would be easier to move the whole tower like a supervisor gets to do. Yet again I got to get IT department to come and install office on my computer yet again, every time they ghost the machines or I move to a new computer I have to get this done. Must be something wrong with my log in or profile I guess. Anyway since I don’t have too much too say I must go I guess have a good one every one.


A government employee sat in his office, and out of
boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing
cabinet. He poked through the contents and came across
an old brass lamp. "This will look good on my mantel," he
said, and took it home with him.

While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual,
granted him three wishes.

"I would like an ice-cold Coke right now." He gets his
Coke and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he
states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island with
beautiful women, who find me irresistible."

Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing
him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I
wish I'd never have to work again." Instantly, he was back
in his government office.

Friday, October 17, 2003

Not suitable for some readers rated pg-13


Well I am donning my white lab coat and whipping out my microscope and examining some interesting specimens here. The specimens in question are a bunch of women I work with. They are very interesting people to be sitting in ear shot distance from and I compare them to diplomatic relations. With out further adieu here we go.

Specimens a -- she is a young lady in her early twenties; she has the closed border policy! Meaning no one gets in or out alive. I will not name names here. So she has no interest in sex and says that women do not get any enjoyment out of it what so ever. I told her she was doing it wrong and that her boyfriend should treat her like a postage stamp. What are you talking about she asked me. I said he has to lick it before he sticks it. Needless to say she turned so red I thought her head was about to explode. All the same she said she has no desire to have sex what so ever, how strange.

specimen b-- another young lady who is more of a dictator; she is the one who wears the proverbial pants in that relationship. She does not like having sex and has remarked that if I give him some he will want it all the time. This is bad because? Who knows but she does not want to do it either. Disturbing trend going on here I am thinking.

specimen c---another young lady but she is in her later twenties so she has been around the block longer. She is more of a neutral territory meaning sometimes she will but most of the time she does not. She once remarked to me that she had to tell her ex-boyfriend to stop during their ”relations” oh my god I would just die if that was me, yes I can see a woman asking you to stop because she is getting sore. But to be that bad she is asking you to stop? I would go and join a monastery I think.

specimen d--- this is another young lady in her early twenties she is more of a friendly nation meaning she actually likes to have sex. When the person above said women do not get any enjoyment out of sex, she spoke up and said I beg to differ! When I started grinning like a Cheshire cat because I was thinking holy shit some one that is normal and will admit it. Or at least the guys she goes out with know what to do with their equipment.

So there you go how is that for strange? I figure the guys who are dating some of these girls are reading the wrong manual or something. The very least are not allowed to practice to become proficient at sex. I have stated before and I will say it again. Thank god I am married and do not have to deal with this kind of thing. Anyway must go and get too work talk to you all later, have a good one.

A Newfie was hired on in a warehouse in Toronto. On his first day on the job, a Caper approached him. "Hi Newf" the Caper said, want me to show you how to get the day off?
The Newf was all ears. "Sure" he said.
With that, the Caper pushed a ladder against the wall and climbed to the top, grabbed a rafter, shimmied to the middle of the room and hung there till the foreman came along.
The foreman spotted the guy hanging from the ceiling and asked what he was doing. The Caper replied, "hey I'm a light bulb, you need me".
The foreman shook his head and shouted. "Come down from there and go home for the day". "Get a good rest and come back tomorrow".
The Caper climbed down and headed for the door. The Newfie followed behind him.
"Hey" the foreman shouted, "Where do you think you're going Newf?"
The Newf replied, "I ain't workin in the dark".








Thursday, October 16, 2003

Another day at work, today is a long day I am not off until 8 tonight but could be worse could have no job I guess. Looking forward to this weekend, mind you I am not going to be doing much but it is nice to be off all the same. Not much going on in my world today so I have nothing to write about really except…..

I saw a commercial last night for a children’s clothes line I think, it was called ATTICA KIDS that does not conjure up visions of care free youth in my mind. It brings up images of harden criminals shanking each other and gang rapes in the shower, anything but children clothes. Anyway that is two cents must go and get ready to get too work. Have a good one everyone talks to you later.


So I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a copper writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on mate, how about giving a bloke a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!!

So I called him a horse f*cker. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!

This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

I didn't give a shit, my car was parked around the corner...



Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Well another day is here man this year is going by fast seems like just yesterday I got married and now Christmas is skulking around the corner. Where does the time go I wonder? The shame is that I am wishing my life away really because when I get too work on Tuesday I am wishing it was Saturday so I can have my two days off.

It gets dark now around 7:00 pm in Atlantic Time and it a foreboding that winter will soon come galloping over the horizon. I hope it is a good one for a chance with little snow not like last year when I was sick of seeing the damn stuff. Good for skiers and people with snow mobiles I guess but I wish out winters were like fall, not too hot not too cold and no snow. The novelty of snow wears off when you get older I find, when I was a kid I loved snow storms because o got a day of school, now I curse the snow because I know I got too shovel the car out and trudge too work in the snow because the local taxis are not on the road. Like last year when we had a major snow storm I braved the roads and came to work at the time wishing I had a dog sled or something. So I got to work and the normal 20 minute walk took almost an hour because of the conditions, when I got here there were about six on seven on us here too answer the phones. Anyway must go and get ready too get on the phones talk to you all late have a good one.


Virus Warning

There is a new virus with a code name of "work." If you receive "work" from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail or anyone else, do not touch "work" under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus follow these steps:

1. Put on your jacket and take two good friends and go straight to the nearest pub.

2. Order three drinks and after repeating 14 times, you will find that "work" has been completely deleted from your brain.

Forward this virus warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realize that you do not have 5 friends, this means that you are already infected by this virus and "work" already controls your whole life.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Every one had a good weekend? Mine was okay watched two movies 2 fast 2 furious and dream catcher. I liked them both and did not have any complaints about either one of them. So all in all it was a good weekend except.

I went grocery shopping on Saturday with my wife, now I hate grocery shopping and it is on list of least favourite things to do. I mean you go in there for an hour or so come out $200 dollars lighter and once it is home packed away you get fuck all for your money. Plus that music they play while your in the store always crap that makes you want to leave which is why they play it anyways to get people to hurry up and get out. All part of the grand strategy I guess but it is effective. One thing that makes me mad is two people one coming up the aisle on one going down and what do they do? Stand up and talk thus blocking the aisle. My wife will say excuse me please so they will move, sometimes they will and sometimes they won’t, she does that because she knows what I am going to do. Ram the person that is standing in front of we in the back with the cart. Makes me feel better, I get a hard look usually that I return coldly because I don’t care. You want too talk go somewhere else. Yes I embarrass my wife sometimes I know but that kind of shit pisses me off. Like for example the line at the check out was long, because only three cash registers are open out of ten. So I see this old guy easing his way up subtly trying to get ahead of us, my wife was off getting a last minute item seeing we had lots of time. So finally this guy makes his move and was stopped short by a voice saying ”where the fuck do you think you are going?” yes it was me that said it and yes he looked at me like I had two heads. The line is there get back in it and stop cutting I added, he turned red sure but who cares. Don’t think because you are older you get too get away with shit like that. Anyway must get ready to go too work talk to you all alter, hope every one had a good weekend.


A teenage girl came home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"

"What's that?" asks her mother.

"That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.

"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

Saturday, October 11, 2003

Today is my Friday so I am looking forward to my two days off and just relaxing and doing nothing. I was watching CNN this morning and they were doing a documentary on Antarctica. Pretty interesting I must say, it showed the living conditions down there and what it was like to trek across the glaciers and the dangers of falling in some of the crevasses. What early explorers must have gone through must have been hell. They also showed an ice berg that broke off that was the size of Massachusetts how’s that for massive hunh? Had to believe some that big floating around the ocean. They mentioned that if it was made into ice that every one in the world or North America, one or the other I cannot remember, would be able to get a back of ice every day for 70 years or so. That is a lot of ice to be sure. Anyway it is too early in the morning to write anything more interesting must go and answer some calls talk to you all later, have a good weekend every one.

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises.

"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes."

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.

Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures - 25 cents."

"Why not," thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a huge sign that read, "This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives - cost 50 cents," The salesman was embarrassed and looked both ways. Seeing nobody around he put in fifty cents, then unzipped his pants and stuck his penis into the opening - with great anticipation, since he had been away from his wife for 2 weeks.

When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony.

Fifteen seconds later it shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his penis Which now had a button sewed on the tip.








Friday, October 10, 2003

Last night I watched survivor and it got me thinking, what would happen to a real bunch of men and women dropped off on a tropical island? If there were no cameras watching every move and no million dollars as a high stake how would they react to the situation? I pondered that thought and wondered if it would be a re-creation of the lord of the flies. Would all the more “popular” people gel together and alienate the “un-popular” people and make life unbearable for them? I think they would for some reason, I mean remember when we were kids on the school play ground, remember the bullies and the popular kids. Social interaction at its infancy, but the same rules carry over to when we get older. Almost like the have and the have nots really when you come right down and think of it. I mean I was not from a dirt poor family but I did not have the money to spend on all the cool clothes and good old mommy and daddy could not afford to buy me a cool car. So I was in the burn out classification because I partied a lot. Did not have money for all the designer clothes but I could afford booze though :).

So if say 12 people were stranded on an island I figured if someone was to swing by that island say 6 months later I am guessing around six or seven people would be left alive. Because they would either kill each other or let the loser starve. But this is my opinion what do I really know right? Anyway must go and get too work talk to you all later.



A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"

The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."


Thursday, October 09, 2003

Well I got off work yesterday and went home early only to be put too work. I live in an apartment building and the next door neighbor had a huge leak in his hallway. Well the landlord figured the leak was coming from our hot water boiler, or as some people call it water heater. So when I got home my wife had started removing everything from the storage room, so I pitched in and helped. I made numerous trips down to the garbage dumpster to throw away all the useless shit we all accumulate over the years. But at least the room is pretty well gutted out and all we have to do is put back the things we want to keep. So some plumbers will drop by today and remove the old tank and put in a new one so we will have that out of our hair for this weekend.

Each morning as we drive to our local coffee shop for our cup of java on the way too work I usually see two people standing in front of a local restaurant. Sometimes it is a young man and woman; sometimes they are both women for example. There they are standing there all dressed up and holding a booklet in their hands. I was puzzled the first couple of times and then my wife said they are Jehovah witness. Strong faith I guess standing out there in the morning time when it is starting to get cold. I am curious as to see if they will be there when the snow flies. I am putting money on no but I maybe proven wrong. I am no religious fanatic, I only go to church for weddings, funerals and other such events. Religion left a bad taste in my mouth from going to a catholic school. So people who stand around trying to pawn off their beliefs on strangers are highly amusing to me. Then again these are the same people who come knocking on the door and barge on in when you answer sprouting out religious rhetoric and trying to convert you. I had to threaten a man before to get him to shut up and get to get him the fuck out of my house. I do not knock on their doors and try to make them catholic do I? The mere though is laughable considering the catholic religion has the most bloodiest of histories. Any one remember the crusades? Anyway most go and get back too work talk to you all later.


There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."





Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Well I got off work early yesterday and came home bored what to do what to do? Well I washed the dishes and did the other odd mundane jobs we have to normally do in our lives then I fired up the trusty old computer. Then I proceeded to load a program used to *cough* *ahem* “acquire” files from the internet. So a guy whose nick name will be with held and I struck up a conversation. It turns out he is a programmer down in the U.S. seems he was a programmer for 30 years and I told him you don’t really talk to many people who are programmers for that stretch of time. He answered he does not know of too many programmers and I could not help it but I burst out laughing when I read that one, he also mentioned he has been out of work for three years! How true it is to be unemployed for long stretches of time been there my self not a fun experience to say the least. Nothing worse than having no reason to get up in the morning time, makes you feel useless and like something that crawled out of a rock, well that is how I felt anyway. The reason why he probably cannot get a job in his field? Besides the kiss off that your are over qualified, a lot of high tech jobs in North America have moved over seas to places like India for example you can check out the story here for example.


Jobs Abound In India’s Tech Sector



how’s that for a kick in the nuts for people who went to school for X number of years so the jobs they worked hard and trained for to be moved to a country because it is cheaper? Welcome to the world of global economics right? Most of the manufacturer jobs are in other countries why not the high tech sector? I just pity the people who call some of theses companies for help in tech support for example. Case in point DELL, A lot of customers sputter when I tell them they have to call them because the language barrier is brutal which is understandable. So what is a customer to do? You got me, anyway must get ready to go too work talk to you all later.

P.S. while I was writing this and getting a joke to tack onto the end of my post I got a blue screen of death from my computer and had to restart, thinking fuck I have to re-type this damn thing and the it was when I opened office XP letting me recover it. Isn’t technology grand sometimes?


10 ways to Know If You Bought A Bad Computer

1. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
2. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
3. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
4. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
5. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
6. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
7. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
8. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
9. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
10. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Well another weekend for me has come and gone as I get ready to trudge off to work today. As usual I do not do anything exciting this weekend in the least, after working all week I am more interested in just relaxing. I am curious to see today who will the California election so they will shut up about it. I would not be surprised in the least to see Arnold win it. Anybody out there do anything remotely interesting this weekend?

The weather is vastly changing here and you can feel the difference in the air when you go outside in the morning times. Already people have Halloween decorations up which are kind of depressing seeing how it is only the seventh of October. Next thing you know the stores and media will be doing a full frontal assault of Christmas advertising. A lot of people seem to go all out for Halloween though and I find it ironic that the whole basis of the holiday is a witch’s Sabbath. How is that for strange? Every year this time we all dress up and give you treats to people who come knocking on the door like little beggars. I know I enjoyed the holiday when I was young but when I started to get older it just seems like a sort of hallmark holiday. Anyway must get ready and go too work I guess talk to you all later.


A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax---OH MY...!"

Then silence.

Soon, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of very hot coffee and she spilled it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"







Friday, October 03, 2003

Last night I was watching the discovery channel again and I was fascinated by a show about a trans-Atlantic tunnel concept the engineers had come up with. Yes I know there are tunnels under bodies of water like the English channel but the one they would like to build is from either Newfoundland or New York too London. How is that for an idea hunh? Indeed there are lots of problems involved in building the thing for example. The pressure for one and the seismic activity involved in those areas as well, the cost seems to be the biggest hurdle they figure such a project would cost in the hundred of trillions of dollars, holy shit I would not want to foot that bill. Another problem they would have is making the train go about 5000 mph so the trip would be feasible for example. Interesting show to say the least, even if they did build it I would never go on the ride. Bad enough when a train de-rails now but a derailment under water going at those speeds? No thanks.

I am a little disappointed with the state of affairs today; when I was young I watched star trek for example and had wild visions of the twentieth century of space ships to strange and exotic planets and seeing strange space beings. What a shame we will not get too see any of this happen in out life time. Hopefully in our children’s lifetime they will get to see some serious space exploration getting done. They made a big deal of getting a man on the moon so they could race the Russians and then slacked off and a big period of launching satellites. Of course a big step was the new space station but so far space exploration is pretty stagnant. Time to get back to work I guess talk to you all later.



A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house) and would always leave with a stringer full of fish. The fellow had a boat but a fishing pole was not to be seen.

The farmer mentioned the situation to the lake ranger. The ranger then started watching this man and all that the farmer said was true! The man would arrive at the lake in the morning and by early afternoon, he had a stringer full of fish. The ranger dressed like a fisherman one day and approached the man. They exchanged pleasantries and the stranger asked the ranger in disguise to come fish with him. They boated for 45 minutes and arrived at a secluded spot. The stranger then pulled out a stick of dynamite.

Ranger: "I'm going to have to place you under arrest - I am a Ranger and you are fishing illegally!"

The stranger calmly lit the stick of dynamite and handed it to the ranger. Stranger: "Are you gonna talk or fish?"

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Today at work will be one of my long days maybe, considering I got too go home early the last two days as well as last week makes me think I will get out of there again today early as well. So far it has been a really good week at work, cannot complain when I was only there for 2 hours yesterday. The old vacation pay will take a beating this pay period but oh well that is what it is there for I guess.

Anyway we bought two movies yesterday, good deal I must say $9 each for two DVD’s so can’t go wrong with that deal. Anyone ever see “Apt Pupil”? I thought it was pretty good movies obviously because I bought it right? Actually I read the Stephen King Different Season in which the story was published and it was a good story, interesting enough three out of the four stories were made into movies, along with Apt Pupil, Stand By Me and The Shaw shank Redemption were also made into movies as well. The story for Apt Pupil was a bit dark to say the least but it was a good story and well written I though and it seemed very believable to be truthful. I almost would not be surprised to find out something like that could have happened. So the movie they made was pretty true too the story, yes I know a lot was left out but that is the sucky thing about making a movie out of a book or story. Hearts in Atlantis was the most hideous movie I have ever seen that was supposed to be made from a book; it was so bad I turned it off.

The other movie I got was Dolores Claiborne which I cannot remember but I do know I saw the movie quite awhile ago but memory comes up blank when I try to conjure up a vision of the movie in my head. I liked it though I think, I will find out when I get a chance to watch it again. I liked the book so I will probably like the movie again when I see it. Anyway I must go and get ready to go too work talk to you all later.


A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a
problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one
thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought
for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the
bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put
them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots
to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying...that
phrase...in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be
the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the
priest's house.

As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were
Inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked
over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in
unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked
over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the fucking beads
away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Well not much happened last night I played my guitar last night and tried to find something good on TV which is a chore upon itself. Ever channel surf and nothing on the screen appeals to you? Happens to me all the time then I turn to my good old staple of TV goodness which is the Discovery Channel because I figure if I am going to be bored I might as well learn something while I am at it. I have corrupted my wife by the way I have her interested in a show that comes on Tuesday nights at 10:00 pm our time called American Chopper. She actually likes watching it now and seeing how the bikes turn out, and things aside the young man who designs them is a genius. It is hard to believe he has only been doing it for three years. Plus the father and son bicker so much I find it highly amusing to say the least.

Anyway it was slow at work and I got to leave early at 2:00 as opposed to 3:30 which is kind of nice to say the least. It has been like that the least week or so and I am not complaining. Hope the same trend keeps up today; anyway I must go and finish getting ready for work talk to you all later.


A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people."

A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner... NOW!"

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"

Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop."


A lady who had been married for several years was growing more and more
frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex. She considered various
ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship and finally decided to
purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a lingerie shop.
One evening when she was feeling particularly frisky, and he was as usual,
watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned the
crotchless undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her
husband and the television, and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair
arm.
"Want some of this?" she purred.
"Are you kidding?" he replied. "Look what it did to your underwear."