Started my new shift today, seems a little bit strange to come strolling into work for 11:30 when I am so used to getting here for 9:30 for the last couple of months. Plus I am sporting a nicotine patch to curb the smoking habit. I guess it is time to quit because it is not doing me any good. Plus it is getting awful expensive around $10 dollars a pack that we could be saving, mind you a pack usually lasts me almost 2 days which is not too bad I guess but not good either now is it? So far my day is going pretty good no climbing the walls from nicotine with drawl.

I watched a show this weekend about, Nostradamus. Every body is convinced he is predicting the future. I do not believe it my self, I think you can twist or interpret the text in anyway you want to make it true. Besides how do we know he was not all strung out on opium or something and having a trip? Could happen right? I think so anyway. Gotta go talk to you all later have a good one everyone.

Sorry I have not updated in awhile, I have been busy at work. I have a new shift starting on Tuesday. I will be working from 11:30 in the morning to 10:30 at night. This will be the latest I have worked in a year. Things could have been worse I guess could end up with four till one for example. The bonus about my new shift is that I am off at 4:30 on Friday and Saturday and I have my Sundays and Mondays off again. I have been off Sundays and Mondays for a year now and have grown accustomed to them and I don’t want to change. Mind you it is going to be weird since I have been coming to work for 9:30 in the morning so switching to 11:30 will be a big jump. Anyway that is all that is new with me talk to you all later have a good one everybody.

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the
testimonials of a few people who did....

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My
husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
with men's balls."

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
"No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned,
and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
never let
me forget.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amuk. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the
bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door
closed behind me were screams of laughter.

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I
realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked
him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord,
that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with
me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE
MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on
their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An
old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh
they'd ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but
don't get any....a true story... He had a female news anchor who,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to
the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but

half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who likes
to laugh.

I had a pretty good weekend all things considered; mind you I did not do anything special. I watched a few movies though, for example I watched Dumb and Dumberer. That movie did not make me laugh at all, in fact I turned it off at chapter five I do believe and handed it too my son. He thought it was funny, so the movie is appealing to ten year olds I guess. Then I watched S.W.A.T which I enjoyed, true it started off kind of slow but I enjoyed it all the same. I mean for a movie to be any good they do have to build up some semblance of a story right?

Yesterday I spent my day on the XBOX play NASCAR thunder 2004; I got into starting of a career. Talk about hard! You have hardly any money and no equipment when you start off. Plus you have the pedal to metal and other cars pass you like you are standing still unless you draft all the way around the track. It is going to be a hard go of it since I spend more time sliding into the walls on some of the tracks. Then I have to spend most of my hard earned cash repairing my car because every fucker and his brother will spin me out at every opportunity. Then again I learned that lesson well, so when people try to pass me now I spin the bastards out now when ever I get the chance. Which makes for lots of accidents in the race, what can I say I am the anti-Christ I guess. So I have to build up my team over 20 season to get all the expensive equipment, each season is 36 races but thank god I am only doing 10% of the race size. Anyway got to go talk to you all later have a good one everybody.

Did anybody see that new reality show on T.V last night? Called the apprentice? The concept is that a bunch of men and women are competing to work as a president of one of Donald Trump’s companies for a period of one year with a big salary. Sounds like a good deal all around if you win I guess, Last night he separated the group into men versus women and sent them off on a project. Each team received I think it was $250 dollars with which they had to see how much of a profit they could make selling lemonade. The winner was the women who were selling their lemonade for $5 a glass and including their phone numbers as well. Smart little tactic I though so they ended up quadrupling their money. The men were trying to sell lemonade near the fish market; I mean come on people who is going to be down near a smelly fish market unless they have to be? Needless to say they did not win and one of the team got fired. I found it very entertaining for sure; it is coming on again next Wednesday so I am curious to see what is going to happen next week.

I am looking forward to this weekend and doing some old fashioned relaxing, and spending some quality time with my wife and son. After today one more day to go and I have my glorious two days off. Too bad they go by way to quick, I amazes me how each week drags it’s ass until it reaches the weekend. Then the weekend goes by in the blink of an eye. Anyway got to go talk to you all later have a good one everybody.

Man is it cold outside, the car was coated in frost this morning, could be worse though I guess. Going to be a slow day at work today I would imagine considering yesterday was a slow one. Last night I watched a new show on discovery called American Hot Rod, in which a group of gents make custom cars. Mind you the cars are expensive ranging from $50,000 up to $500,000, ouch would not want to pay for that to be sure. I was not impressed with the show as I am with say with American Chopper. I like watching the guys fabricated everything from scratch when building a motorcycle. It is not the same when they built the cars because all the cars they build pretty much look the same. Yes they are nice cars but the appeal is not there. But then again it was the first show so maybe when the series actually starts it will be better.

Anybody see the bit on the news about the woman who claimed she lost her winning lottery ticket? Then the person who actually won came forward to claim the prize? She had the ticket and the sales slip from when she bought the ticket in the first place. Some people will try anything I guess.

On a whole different topic, I will be married for one year on the 22nd of next month. Did not take long for a year to slip past, where does the time go I wonder? Some times time drags out and other times it goes by in a flash. Next thing you know I will be bald and drooling on myself. Wonder if I will suffer the injustice of going senile and wetting myself. God I hope not, if I get that bad I hope someone pulls the plug on me. Any got to go talk to you all later have a good one everybody.

Way down in the outports of Newfoundland, Murph's old lady had been
pregnant for some time, and now the time had come. He brought her to
the doctor, and the doctor began to deliver the baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murph and said,
"Hey, Murph! You just had you a son! Ain't dat grand!!"
Murph got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!"

The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, "Hey, Murph! You got
you a daughter!!!! She a pretty lil ting, too...."
Murph got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said, "Hold on, we still ain't got done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy said, "Murph, you just had yourself another boy!"

Murph said to the doctor, "Doc, what caused all of dem babies?" The
doctor said, "You never know Murph, it was probably something that
happened d! uring conception."
Murph said, "Ah yeah, during conception"
When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat

down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night what we ran
out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.
She said, "Yeah, I remember dat night"
Murph said, "I'll tell you, bye, it's a fookin' good ting we didn't use dat WD-40!!"

Well another day done and over with for me, not much too report at work the last little while except some of the callers are getting more dense as time progresses. But what do you do right, just grin and bear it with then mute them and either laugh at their stupidity or curse them. This weekend I watched Bad Boys 2 which was ok, I was better than I figured it would be. Especially the part when they were in the morgue, I laughed my ass off at that part. Another movie I had a gander at was house of ghosts. Once I figured out what the hell was happening I found it more enjoyable. I have not been cruising the net much lately because I have been engrossed with a couple of books my wife bought for me. For example I am reading a book by Tom Clancy called Shadow Warriors, it is about U.S Special Forces and how they have built up since their birth in the great world wars. I read a lot of books dealing with the military and I enjoy them immensely, mostly because I served myself so I can see their point of view and understand how hard they have to train and endure. The part I am reading now is about how they invaded Panama which is making out for a good read indeed.

When I read a book that is a science fiction it makes me amused to read and entertained, but when I read some thing that is non-fiction or a biography it keeps me captivated, especially war novels for example. One of the best was called the Teams which was about the U.S navy SEALS, the last story in it was about Jessie “The Body” Ventura. It was pretty cool how he learned the values of physical fitness from the seals which carried over into his wrestling career. Anyway enough of babbling I guess but it makes me wonder if that is the taste I like in books what do everyone else out there read I wonder. Anyway got to go talk to you all later have a good one everybody. My friend Jen sent me this joke I thought it was funny.

There was a Mainlander, a Cape Bretoner and a Newfie on death row.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
1. to be shot
2. to be hung
3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the Mainlander said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was
dead instantly).

Then the Cape Bretoner said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)

Then the Newfie said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."

They gave him the shot, and the Newfie fell down laughing. The
guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this
guy.

Then the Newfie said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the
guards did.

Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his
eyes and he doubled over. Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Newfie replied, "You guys are so stupid..... I'm wearing a condom!"

What is up with men and bathrooms? I go to the bathroom stand in front of the urinal and talk a whiz. At no point in time while I watch my urine flow and hit the white porcelain that this is a good time to pick my nose and wipe it on the wall. So I guess that does not make me some kind of perverse snot artist. Why would you do this considering you are in a bathroom with paper towels, toilet paper and a sink to wash your hands in? What is the point of making graffiti out of it? Do you really think we want to se your booger and admire the shape, color, or the size of it? Like I got nothing better to do right? The cleaning crew never seems to get around to cleaning it up, do I blame them? Not in the least they are probably as disgusted as I am. That is my rant for today have a good one everybody.

Another new year is here; hopefully this one will go as good as last year. I am looking forward to this weekend and settling down to some good old fashion relaxing. We do not have any company this weekend so it will be a nice switch to have our place to ourselves. Having company is nice but it wears thin after awhile and it sure as hells cramps your style after awhile. Last night I watched Sea Biscuit with my wife, I must say it was a good movie it kept me interested through the whole thing. We watched Legally Blonde 2 the night before, it was errrr okay I guess but not something I would like to re-watch. A lot of the humor was strained I thought and a lot of the jokes were not funny at all. Hopefully I will get to rent a couple this weekend if there is anything left usually there is not.

Yesterday I got to go home early because it was not busy and it felt like a Saturday to me, so my week thus far is all fucked up. At least it was slow so that is something right there. I guess a lot of our customers had better things to do than call us (like nursing a hangover). Hopefully today will be slow as well, I guess I will find out when I get too work and get on the phone. Anyway I got to go have a good one everybody.

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough."