Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the
stairs..

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the
end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice
about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they
notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

in the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have
come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.


How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?



You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here
legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as
long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two
days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put
Blockbuster in charge of immigration.