In my job I get all kinds of call from every different kind of people you can think of or maybe some you wish would not call. Two days ago I was talking to a woman who lived in Virginia, now I know I make people comfortable on the phone so she was no exception. She ended up telling me she likes to sun bathe nude in her back yard by her swimming pool. Why I needed to know this for tech support I do not know but it was funny all the same.

Yesterday I was talking to a guy who used to be a 500 pound biker who spent most of his life drinking and doing drugs. So he went back to 180 pounds and cleaned his act up, he also told me he was in the biker gang called the Grim Reapers. But that is not the kicker he was telling me about a porn movie he downloaded where a man inserted his head up to his neck in a woman’s vagina. Now why he told me this one I have absolutely no idea but I must confess I laughed my ass of when he told me that. Then he asked if I wanted to know where to go and download it. I politely refused because why would a man want to do that in the first place and I really did not want to see it. Would any of you want to see that? Can you just say eww? Anyway I got to go and get on the phone have a good weekend everyone talk to you all later.


A wife went in to see a therapist, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every
time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting
yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the
problem is."

"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

I am really glad I am not a soldier in Iraq right about now; they are getting killed over there hand over fist. I was watching the news today and yet another helicopter crashed and another soldier was killed when a convoy was caught in an ambush. So the life expectancy cannot be very high, being in a hostile environment is stressful enough with out wondering if you are going to be the next one to die. A lot of those young lads will come home very combat weary. I would dear say some will suffer from post traumatic stress disorder after seeing some of the shit they have seen. I almost went back in the military just before I started working here; I had just finished doing my medical test and had to do my physical test which is easy. So by now I would probably be over in Afghanistan pulling peace keeping duty. My wife is very relieved that I never went back in but some times I miss the life. Then I remember all those mornings waking up before dawn in a trench covered in mud and a couple days of grime, after being awake for countless hours and I wonder if I am a mental case for missing that? Who knows maybe I am but that kind of life grows on you I guess. Anyway must go and get to work I guess have a good one everyone talk to you all later.



I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me she could see
from the bedroom window that I had left the light on in the shed.
As I looked for myself,
I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned the
police, but they told me that no one was in our area to help at this
time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available.

I said "OK", hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police
back.

"Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my
shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've shot them
all."

Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an
Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars
red-handed.

One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

I replied with, "I thought you said there was nobody available."

Hard to figure out how to dress when coming to work lately, about two weeks ago you could come to work in a t-shirt and two days ago you needed a winter jacket on. Today is nice going to be a bout eleven degrees which is a big switch from the day before, yup real flu weather.

About two days ago my son asked me if I saw the big bee on the window, seeing how I just got up I grunted no and left it at that. When I was more coherent I had a look my self, well it was not a bee but a wasp and a damn big one at that. He is still there stuck to our screen as he did when he landed I guess. Dead as a door nail, he has no visible damage so I expect the cold must have killed him and he never got a chance to get back to his hive. He is in good condition, and if there was a way to get him I would but alas there is not. I cannot open the screen and we are on the second floor so if I flicked him off he would be lost in the grass. My wife wanted me to knock him off the screen yesterday but I said no, leave him there and I will now call him Herman. In all honesty I am waiting to see how long he will last before he either falls off; blows away or a bird eats him. The cool thing is when you go over and look at him through the window you can see his eyes very evil looking to say the least. Anyway must go and get ready to get on the phone have a good one everyone, boring story I know but maybe I will have something better tomorrow. Talk to you all later.

I got this story in an email and firgured I would post it because I laughed my ass off when I read it.

Best Comeback Line Ever


This was the title of an article in the Calgary Sun.


In summary, the police arrested Ward Branham, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Lethbridge, Alberta, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Ward will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Calgary courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop.

"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around there for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Ward went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."

"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Ward apparently failed to notice a police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brin Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Ward) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin. "

Taylor went on to describe what happened when SHE approached Ward. "I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, ...

"A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"

I was watching T.V this morning while I was sipping on my cup of Joe, they had a piece on CNN about cigarette lighters in cars and how automobile companies and put up to five in cars and trucks. Why you maybe asking? Well for such things as cell phones but what blew my mind is this. Some companies are selling curling irons, coffee pots, and frying pans so they can be used in cars. Now why is it I can see someone driving down the road on a freeway or highway some where trying to curl their hair? I mean isn’t there enough accidents with people talking on cell phones so the idea of someone making coffee or using a frying pan to cook their breakfast for example is just scary. Ports for DVD players in the back of a van for kids I can understand but you have to draw the line somewhere I am sure.

Here is the kicker, there is a company in the U.S that sells ADULT toys that can be plugged into a cigarette lighter. Is there really a market for this? I would not to be pulled over by a cop car with a vibrating vagina plugged in. can you just imagine? Anybody else find this idea a tad bit strange? Anyway must go and get on the phone talk to you all later, have a good one everybody.

Two guys had grown up together since they were young. As fate would have it, one guy grew up
being a total ladies' man, and the other guy became a total nerd. One summer day the nerd could
stand it no longer. He asked his friend how he picked up all the chicks. His friend answered, "Just
put a potato down your pants and parade up and down the beach, they'll just run to you."

So the geek said, "Okay! I'll give it a try!"

So the next day he put a potato in his pants and went down to a crowded beach loaded with
chicks in bikinis. He saw his friend surrounded by girls as usual, but none came to him. All he got
was a few weird stares from older men. Dismayed, he went home.

The next day he went to his friend's house and told him his dramatic story. His friend shook his
head and said, "Buddy, you were supposed to put the potato in the front!"

Ah a new week for me has begun; I had yet another three day weekend. I did not do mush as per usual. I did watch two movies however, bowling for columbine and the Italian job. Anybody out there see any of these two movies?

Bowling for columbine was excellent to say the least, I like watching certain documentaries and this one was no different. I think Michael Moore did a good job on this project and it was interest how Canada has a huge amount of gun in our country some where in the neighborhood of 10 million but has only a few gun related deaths as opposed to the U.S. it is strange how two countries can be so close in proximity and yet be so different culturally.

If you get a chance you should see the Italian job as well, it was a good movie as well but did not leave a lasting impression on me as the latter. Have a good one very one talk to you all later.


A man met a beautiful girl, and she agreed to spend the night with
him for $500. So, they spent the night together. In the morning before he
left, he told the girl that he did not have any cash with him,
but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling
the payment "Rent for Apartment". On the way to the office, he regretted
what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the
price. So, he sent a check for $250 and enclosed a note:
"Dear Madam:
Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I
rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied;
2. There was plenty of heat; and
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home. Last night,
however,
I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any
heat, and that it was entirely too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately sent back the
following reply:
"Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such a beautiful
apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there
is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space,
the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough
furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord."

Halloween is upon us and the little buggers will be knocking on our doors before we know it. I have some fond memories of Halloween from when I was younger and it would be nice if we could capture some of that magic now that we are older but alas it is like a piece of silver that tarnishes as it ages. Sad isn’t it? I think it is but what is one to do? Well maybe today will be a slow day and people will not call in, that is a bit much to hope for considering people will call in here on Christmas day. That surprises me to be sure but then again a lot of people are alone on Christmas which is a very sad thing. Anyway must go and get ready to hop on the phone have a good and safe Halloween everyone, talk to you all later have a good one.

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party.
He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so
he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note"
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted
handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg,you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden
leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives
another parcel and a note, which says"

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe
will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his
|wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.
The next day he gets a small parcel and a note which reads:

Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses.
Pour the molasses over your bald head,
stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.


Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co

I tell you what I just feel so horribly bad for the rapper Nelly who had a million dollars worth of jewelry stolen from his hotel room. What a shame don’t you think? Here we all are trying makes ends meet, trying to stay out of debt and this guy is wandering around with a $1 millions dollars worth of jewelry. The sad part is he probably has more than that not counting his bank account. Sorry Nelly I will go and light a candle and pray for you. Yeah right! He will most likely get mad loot from the insurance company and then turn around and sue the hotel. That would not surprise me in the least. Anyway must go and get to work, talk to you all later have a good one everyone.


One night little Johnny got up to get a drink of water....
while walking past his parents he was forced to stop
and scream daddy daddy what are you doing to
mommy.

The dad simply replied mmmm… just making your
brother Johnny …..go back to bed.

The next day when the dad got home from work he
found Johnny crying on the stoop ....he asked Johnny
what was wrong and Johnny replied oh daddy this
morning I saw the mailman trying to eat my new
brother

I saw a little blurb on the news about Pamela Anderson speaking out about unfair treatment of chickens by Kentucky fried chicken. Hmm and fast food company killing chickens for mass production for consumers and your point being? She was babbling on about the treatment of such animals and how they are de-feathered for example, the point she was getting too was about the inhumane way they were being treated. In-humane indeed considering they are not human and they are going to end up in a three piece meal some where in the world. Pamela Anderson of all people I mean COME ON! the credibility factor took a nose dive on that one. We all know she was now imbued with a bucket full of brains and after seeing pictures of her and Tommy Lee plastered up all over the internet and getting spammed with fucking email about it give it a rest your 15 seconds in the spot life has come and gone. Shut up and go away so we can forget about you. If PETA really wants to make a big deal about this get a classy spokesperson about the issue for Christ’s sake. Not somebody we like with the I.Q of a bag of hair and silicon implants to cushion the fall with. At the very least get someone like Linda Blair to speak about it, someone who can put sentences together in a string and no come off sounding like an air head. That is my two cents for today talk to you all later, have a good one every one.




One day a door-to-door salesman knocked on a door. Little Johnny
answered the door and the salesman asked if his mother was home.

Little Johnny said "No, she is at the whore house."

The bright salesman asked if she was a prostitute, and the little boy
replied, "No, she is a substitute. She only works Wednesdays and
Fridays during the rush."

The salesman said, "Well I'll be a son-of-a-bitch."

The little boy said, "Well, I'm one too, but I don't go around knocking
on doors telling folks."

Hey I am back to work today after three days off and I feel great, I feel refreshed as it were. Mid you I did not do anything exciting at all but that is besides the point. I did however buy two movies U-571 and Blood In And Blood Out.

U-571 I liked the movie when I first seen it so it was a no brainer to buy. Has anyone seen the other movie? It was an older one but I liked it. Hard to describe it you would have to see if for yourself. So I am going to keep this short since I have writers block this morning. Have a good day every one talk too you all later.


A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his
side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns
to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal.
I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my
genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth
for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll
remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing
this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up
on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his
privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator
closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the
alligator hard on the top of its
head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed
his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd
cheered and the first of his free drinks were
delivered. The man stood up again and made another
offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give
it a try".
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to
promise not to hit me on the head with the beer
bottle".

Not much too write about life has been pretty tame this weekend. The NASCAR race was rained out yesterday so I watched it today so I could let my wife know who won. Watching racing is starting too rub off on me I guess because I don’t mind watching it at all anymore and I am getting pretty good at matching up cars with their owners. Anyway must go I guess have a good one every one talk to you later.

A drunk is standing, peeing into a fountain in the middle of town,
so a cop comes up to him and says "Stop that and put it away!"
The drunk shoves his dick into his pants and does up his zip. As
the cop turns to go, the drunk starts laughing.

"Okay, what's so funny?" asks the cop.

"Fooled you." says the drunk "I put it away, but I didn't stop."

Good morning, I was reading the CNN web page and I saw a headline that caught my attention “video game caused death?”. It turn out two teenage boys mimicked Grand Theft Auto 3 which is a video game for x-box, Play Station, computer and so on. Now I have the same game and you don’t see me out killing people do you? No. so the 14 and 16 year old took turns trying to hit the sides of vehicles from a hill top over looking the highway. In the usual fashion the parents are suing the developers of the game, for the grand tune of $200 million in punitive damages and $46 million in actual damages. Take Two (game developers) said they would seek to dismiss the suit and further stated….

"The Company believes that the claims against it are without merit and are similar to lawsuits brought and uniformly dismissed by courts in other jurisdictions where the plaintiffs' sought to hold entertainment companies responsible for the violent behavior of individuals who used those company's products," Take-Two said in a statement.


Well guess what those teenagers were old enough to know better anyways, every one will lay the blame the games, movies and even music. But what I am wondering is how they got the game in the first place? Who bought it for them hmmm I would say the parents, they should also share the blame because do we or do we not teach our kids right from wrong? As well whose rifle had they used? I mean a teenager can’t just walk in a buy a rifle either. Then turn around and sue a game company for a ridicules amount of money? Get real and look in the mirror you kids fucked up. After a certain age if you bought them up with any guidance your job is done and they have to make decisions on their own. Bull shit like that makes me sick; I would like to know how they came up with the dollar amount for that suit. Now way did they do $ million in actual damages. Yes one person died and another was wounded but stop being insane. Anyway must get ready to go to work talk to you all later have a good one everyone.


Little Leroy was at home doing his Math homework.
He said to himself, "two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine".

In that moment, his mother comes in and hears what he is saying.
"Leroy, what are you doing?!
Why are you saying that?"

Little Leroy answered, "I'm doing my Math homework, Mom".

She said, "And is that what your teacher taught you?"

He replied, "Yes"

The next day, the mother, worried about the education her son is
receiving, goes to Little Leroy's school to talk to the teacher.

The mother said to his Math teacher, "I would like to know what you are
teaching my son in Math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition problems."

Little Leroy's mother asked, "And are you teaching
them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

When the teacher stopped laughing she replied,
"Not at all! What I taught them was two plus two,
THE SUM OF WHICH IS four."

Bow Flex



Never fails every time I am watching TV a bow flex commercial comes on. A man and woman who are in excellent physical shape and who must work out a lot and probably have personal trainers try too pimp out bow flex. I am not enthralled with this product to say the least, I mean when they do not post the price for one is a turn off. Then you here with payments lower than most health club dues does not bode well with me at all. Adds up to something you can bet the bottom dollar is expensive as hell and is going to end up being a big dust collector after the novelty wears off it. If you want to get in shape well then do not eat at Mc Donald’s twice a day, or better yet get off your ass and go and do some walking and save yourself a bundle of money to boot. Besides if I was going to work out I would use free weights anyway because you can get the correct range of muscle movement and opposed to a restricted machine that BENDS of all things which to me is a recipe of disaster right then and there. But that is my two cents worth I guess most go and get ready to go to work talk to you all later have a good one.


P.S. I was just wondering what does every body think of the two pictures I have on the side bar of my page? Just curious is all, the top one I just love for some reason, the bottom one struck my fancy as well when I first seen it. Just wondering what your opinions are.


A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.

"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."

At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow through with his disgusting command.

"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index finger?"

After the class was over, it took the janitor three hours to mop up the vomit.

So all day yesterday when I tried to lad up my web site all that would show up was the background color. It was a piss off to say the least because I had no idea how to fix it. So when I came home yesterday my friend Steve dropped up shortly after and he as usual taught me how to play some riffs on the guitar. He had been at me for a couple of months to change my template so I let me loose on my site. The end result is what you see right now, he built the whole thing in about two hours. I must say I like it, so how about all of you? I know two people had commented on it last night and said they liked it. So in true fashion with not much to say I will shut up because it is too early to massage the old grey matter awake right now. So I am off to get ready for work have a good one everyone.


A woman has been married to her husband for ten years, and for all those ten
years her husband insisted on making love in the dark.
No matter how much she asked him, he would never turn the lights on.
One night she grew tired of this and turned on the light while they were making
love, and saw that he was using a dildo on her.
She says, "Honey, how could you do this! All this time you've never told me.
Explain yourself immediately!!"
The husband says "Okay, I'll explain.
But first you explain the kids."

Well I am back after three days off, ever notice the trend on my site? I rarely post anything on my days off. Mostly because I am interested in spending quality time with my family. So I did not do anything exciting of note on the weekend, I did finally get a chance to watch the new matrix movie and I loved it. I cannot wait for the next one to see how the story ends. Steve was right the free way scene blew my mind, the special effects and action sequence was a feast for the eyes to say the least.

At work we had to move yet again basically we go from the front of the build to the back and rinse and repeat. So I had to run around setting up my computer this morning and go back to my old one and forward all the documents and wallpapers to myself along with my favourites for internet explorer. What a pain it would be easier to move the whole tower like a supervisor gets to do. Yet again I got to get IT department to come and install office on my computer yet again, every time they ghost the machines or I move to a new computer I have to get this done. Must be something wrong with my log in or profile I guess. Anyway since I don’t have too much too say I must go I guess have a good one every one.


A government employee sat in his office, and out of
boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing
cabinet. He poked through the contents and came across
an old brass lamp. "This will look good on my mantel," he
said, and took it home with him.

While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual,
granted him three wishes.

"I would like an ice-cold Coke right now." He gets his
Coke and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he
states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island with
beautiful women, who find me irresistible."

Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing
him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I
wish I'd never have to work again." Instantly, he was back
in his government office.

Not suitable for some readers rated pg-13

Well I am donning my white lab coat and whipping out my microscope and examining some interesting specimens here. The specimens in question are a bunch of women I work with. They are very interesting people to be sitting in ear shot distance from and I compare them to diplomatic relations. With out further adieu here we go.

Specimens a -- she is a young lady in her early twenties; she has the closed border policy! Meaning no one gets in or out alive. I will not name names here. So she has no interest in sex and says that women do not get any enjoyment out of it what so ever. I told her she was doing it wrong and that her boyfriend should treat her like a postage stamp. What are you talking about she asked me. I said he has to lick it before he sticks it. Needless to say she turned so red I thought her head was about to explode. All the same she said she has no desire to have sex what so ever, how strange.

specimen b-- another young lady who is more of a dictator; she is the one who wears the proverbial pants in that relationship. She does not like having sex and has remarked that if I give him some he will want it all the time. This is bad because? Who knows but she does not want to do it either. Disturbing trend going on here I am thinking.

specimen c---another young lady but she is in her later twenties so she has been around the block longer. She is more of a neutral territory meaning sometimes she will but most of the time she does not. She once remarked to me that she had to tell her ex-boyfriend to stop during their ”relations” oh my god I would just die if that was me, yes I can see a woman asking you to stop because she is getting sore. But to be that bad she is asking you to stop? I would go and join a monastery I think.

specimen d--- this is another young lady in her early twenties she is more of a friendly nation meaning she actually likes to have sex. When the person above said women do not get any enjoyment out of sex, she spoke up and said I beg to differ! When I started grinning like a Cheshire cat because I was thinking holy shit some one that is normal and will admit it. Or at least the guys she goes out with know what to do with their equipment.

So there you go how is that for strange? I figure the guys who are dating some of these girls are reading the wrong manual or something. The very least are not allowed to practice to become proficient at sex. I have stated before and I will say it again. Thank god I am married and do not have to deal with this kind of thing. Anyway must go and get too work talk to you all later, have a good one.

A Newfie was hired on in a warehouse in Toronto. On his first day on the job, a Caper approached him. "Hi Newf" the Caper said, want me to show you how to get the day off?
The Newf was all ears. "Sure" he said.
With that, the Caper pushed a ladder against the wall and climbed to the top, grabbed a rafter, shimmied to the middle of the room and hung there till the foreman came along.
The foreman spotted the guy hanging from the ceiling and asked what he was doing. The Caper replied, "hey I'm a light bulb, you need me".
The foreman shook his head and shouted. "Come down from there and go home for the day". "Get a good rest and come back tomorrow".
The Caper climbed down and headed for the door. The Newfie followed behind him.
"Hey" the foreman shouted, "Where do you think you're going Newf?"
The Newf replied, "I ain't workin in the dark".

Another day at work, today is a long day I am not off until 8 tonight but could be worse could have no job I guess. Looking forward to this weekend, mind you I am not going to be doing much but it is nice to be off all the same. Not much going on in my world today so I have nothing to write about really except…..

I saw a commercial last night for a children’s clothes line I think, it was called ATTICA KIDS that does not conjure up visions of care free youth in my mind. It brings up images of harden criminals shanking each other and gang rapes in the shower, anything but children clothes. Anyway that is two cents must go and get ready to get too work. Have a good one everyone talks to you later.


So I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a copper writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on mate, how about giving a bloke a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!!

So I called him a horse f*cker. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!

This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

I didn't give a shit, my car was parked around the corner...

Well another day is here man this year is going by fast seems like just yesterday I got married and now Christmas is skulking around the corner. Where does the time go I wonder? The shame is that I am wishing my life away really because when I get too work on Tuesday I am wishing it was Saturday so I can have my two days off.

It gets dark now around 7:00 pm in Atlantic Time and it a foreboding that winter will soon come galloping over the horizon. I hope it is a good one for a chance with little snow not like last year when I was sick of seeing the damn stuff. Good for skiers and people with snow mobiles I guess but I wish out winters were like fall, not too hot not too cold and no snow. The novelty of snow wears off when you get older I find, when I was a kid I loved snow storms because o got a day of school, now I curse the snow because I know I got too shovel the car out and trudge too work in the snow because the local taxis are not on the road. Like last year when we had a major snow storm I braved the roads and came to work at the time wishing I had a dog sled or something. So I got to work and the normal 20 minute walk took almost an hour because of the conditions, when I got here there were about six on seven on us here too answer the phones. Anyway must go and get ready too get on the phones talk to you all late have a good one.


Virus Warning

There is a new virus with a code name of "work." If you receive "work" from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail or anyone else, do not touch "work" under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus follow these steps:

1. Put on your jacket and take two good friends and go straight to the nearest pub.

2. Order three drinks and after repeating 14 times, you will find that "work" has been completely deleted from your brain.

Forward this virus warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realize that you do not have 5 friends, this means that you are already infected by this virus and "work" already controls your whole life.

Every one had a good weekend? Mine was okay watched two movies 2 fast 2 furious and dream catcher. I liked them both and did not have any complaints about either one of them. So all in all it was a good weekend except.

I went grocery shopping on Saturday with my wife, now I hate grocery shopping and it is on list of least favourite things to do. I mean you go in there for an hour or so come out $200 dollars lighter and once it is home packed away you get fuck all for your money. Plus that music they play while your in the store always crap that makes you want to leave which is why they play it anyways to get people to hurry up and get out. All part of the grand strategy I guess but it is effective. One thing that makes me mad is two people one coming up the aisle on one going down and what do they do? Stand up and talk thus blocking the aisle. My wife will say excuse me please so they will move, sometimes they will and sometimes they won’t, she does that because she knows what I am going to do. Ram the person that is standing in front of we in the back with the cart. Makes me feel better, I get a hard look usually that I return coldly because I don’t care. You want too talk go somewhere else. Yes I embarrass my wife sometimes I know but that kind of shit pisses me off. Like for example the line at the check out was long, because only three cash registers are open out of ten. So I see this old guy easing his way up subtly trying to get ahead of us, my wife was off getting a last minute item seeing we had lots of time. So finally this guy makes his move and was stopped short by a voice saying ”where the fuck do you think you are going?” yes it was me that said it and yes he looked at me like I had two heads. The line is there get back in it and stop cutting I added, he turned red sure but who cares. Don’t think because you are older you get too get away with shit like that. Anyway must get ready to go too work talk to you all alter, hope every one had a good weekend.


A teenage girl came home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"

"What's that?" asks her mother.

"That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.

"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

Today is my Friday so I am looking forward to my two days off and just relaxing and doing nothing. I was watching CNN this morning and they were doing a documentary on Antarctica. Pretty interesting I must say, it showed the living conditions down there and what it was like to trek across the glaciers and the dangers of falling in some of the crevasses. What early explorers must have gone through must have been hell. They also showed an ice berg that broke off that was the size of Massachusetts how’s that for massive hunh? Had to believe some that big floating around the ocean. They mentioned that if it was made into ice that every one in the world or North America, one or the other I cannot remember, would be able to get a back of ice every day for 70 years or so. That is a lot of ice to be sure. Anyway it is too early in the morning to write anything more interesting must go and answer some calls talk to you all later, have a good weekend every one.

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises.

"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes."

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.

Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures - 25 cents."

"Why not," thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a huge sign that read, "This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives - cost 50 cents," The salesman was embarrassed and looked both ways. Seeing nobody around he put in fifty cents, then unzipped his pants and stuck his penis into the opening - with great anticipation, since he had been away from his wife for 2 weeks.

When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony.

Fifteen seconds later it shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his penis Which now had a button sewed on the tip.

Last night I watched survivor and it got me thinking, what would happen to a real bunch of men and women dropped off on a tropical island? If there were no cameras watching every move and no million dollars as a high stake how would they react to the situation? I pondered that thought and wondered if it would be a re-creation of the lord of the flies. Would all the more “popular” people gel together and alienate the “un-popular” people and make life unbearable for them? I think they would for some reason, I mean remember when we were kids on the school play ground, remember the bullies and the popular kids. Social interaction at its infancy, but the same rules carry over to when we get older. Almost like the have and the have nots really when you come right down and think of it. I mean I was not from a dirt poor family but I did not have the money to spend on all the cool clothes and good old mommy and daddy could not afford to buy me a cool car. So I was in the burn out classification because I partied a lot. Did not have money for all the designer clothes but I could afford booze though :).

So if say 12 people were stranded on an island I figured if someone was to swing by that island say 6 months later I am guessing around six or seven people would be left alive. Because they would either kill each other or let the loser starve. But this is my opinion what do I really know right? Anyway must go and get too work talk to you all later.



A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"

The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."