I am running on fumes now to be honest with you, I have just returned from “the rock” also known as Newfoundland. We left on Thursday night and crossed the gulf on the ferry for the night crossing. Thank god we had a cabin, and then we had the pleasure of a ten hour car ride. Talk about fun boys and girls, now tourist may enjoy the scenery but when you have seen it umpteen times well it gets old really quick.

We got to the other side of the island and got too relax and do some visiting with my wife’s family which was the whole reason for the trip in the first place. Then on Monday it was time for a repeat, ten hour drive and a six hour ferry ride (I forgot to mention how long it took) talk about fun right? Although I must admit it was a bit of a rough crossing last night there was a lot of ice and the ship brought up solid last night when it hit an ice pack so hard I had to grab the bunk to keep from falling out. As an added bonus the sip was rolling pretty hard, I guess it must have been windy out on the Atlantic. Mind you the sip rocking did not bother me but it made it hard to keep your balance let me tell you, besides the movement of the ship lulled me too sleep.

The highlight of the trip was spending some quality time with my wife and son, finally getting too meet my wife’s parents and a couple of the other family members I had not met yet. The best part of the trip is that I am home though let me tell you. I do not want to do that trip again any time soon. While I was down there I did not go and visit any of my family because, frankly I am sick of the bull shit that goes with them. You can pick your friends but not your family and too bad I say because sometimes I would like to be able too. But then again I am still the black sheep in my family so it is all good in my world.

I got a digital camera this weekend with a 128 meg memory card for it as well bought for me by my wife as an anniversary present, so either later on today of tomorrow or so I will put up a couple of pictures I have taken. Anyway got too go talk to you all later have a good one everybody.

Well I am sitting here bored with a cup of coffee, there is nothing on the tube because it is early and soon I will have to get ready and head too work for another day in the trenches. Today the sun is out in full force again so I will walk to work once more I am going to start doing that again because I need to walk off some of the access pounds I have accumulated during the winter months. That is the nice thing when the spring rolls around; you don’t feel confined by the weather. What can I say something about the sunshine makes you want to get outside and do something after months of snow and cold temperatures.

So I hope it is a better day at work than yesterday, the people who called in yesterday had no common sense what so ever. Click on start please, what is that? Hmmm maybe that button in the left hand corner of you screen that says start maybe? Oh well some of it is amusing to listen too sometimes. Anyway got too go talk to you all later have a good one everybody.

Well the start of another week is here, two days off is not long enough I don’t think. What is up with these stupid people calling in I wonder? I find myself losing patience with them more and more because they cannot answer a simple question with out giving you a diatribe about the history of their computer since buying it.

What version of windows are you using? Don’t know

What happens when you try to get online? Doesn’t work.

Did you get an error message? Don’t know

What are you using to get on-line for a software version? Like internet explorer for example? Don’t know

Well what the fuck do you know you retard! Jesus wept let me tell you, because this is what I have to deal with lately. All the smart people got DSL or a cable modem by the looks of things.

Anyway I had a good weekend; I watched the race on Sunday with my wife and what spectacle it was. Thunder valley also known as Bristol was an amusing romp indeed, lots of action. People were spinning each other out all over the place using the good old chrome horn. Even after the race it continued on pit road when someone had a temper tantrum and had a post race spin out. I hope next week in Texas is just as amusing, nothing worse than a boring race to be sure. The only thing worse would be football or golf. Anyway got too go and get too work.

Been staying away from my computer at home for the last little while which is why I have not been post here very much. I guess it is because I have been sitting in front of one all day long so I don’t really feel like looking at one all day long.

Work has been really good in the sense that it is really slow with very few calls coming in, there are times when there is ten minutes between calls. While this is good that we get a break it is bad that the dregs of society seems to be the ones that are calling in, but what do you do right?

Other than that not much has been going on in my life, I still not have had a smoke yet and it is edging up too two months or so. I am quite proud of myself, and as an added bonus I am sleeping better which is good. Now that the winter is losing it’s vice like grip on the land the snow is starting to melt I think I will return to walking too world starting next week to see if I can rid myself of the winter weight I have been putting on.

I have been putting in a lot of time on my son’s Xbox lately playing NASCAR Thunder 2004. I am having an extremely fun time with it for sure especially with the steering wheel with force feed back. Anyway got to go and get too work talk to you all later everybody.

Well I figured it was time to do a post finally, every thing is well in my world no complaints. Work is very slow a lot of time between calls, which is nice although a bit boring until I started to bring books to work. Not bad hunh? Getting pad to read right? I still have not had a smoke since I quit a couple of weeks ago. I did not cheat at all a sneak a quick smoke here or there, like I did before. So I am quite proud of myself!

Last night I finished the Grand Theft Auto: Vice City game or the PC. Anybody out there play that yet? Very amusing let me tell you, took me awhile though but the challenge was fun, I find it amusing too watch my son playing it and wiping out in the cars.

Speaking of which I watched the NASCAR race this Sunday with my wife, they raced in Atlanta and it was a good race compared to last week when they were running in Las Vegas which was the most boring race I ever tried to watch. In fact I gave up watching the Vegas race and started to read. However the one from this weekend was good there was actually some passing but no accidents which was a disappointment to me, I like watching the accidents during the race. Anyway got to go and get too work talk to you all later have a good one everybody!!!

Well I have still not had a smoke In a couple of weeks, yes I feel better and all cravings are gone but I noticed I do not sleep as good any more. For example on my days off I find it hard to sleep in, I find I usually wake up around 8 and cannot fall back to sleep. I wonder if this is because my blood pressure is not through the roof anymore from sucking on a cancer stick. If my heart is not pumping so hard maybe that is why I don’t sleep as deep anymore. At any rate I have nothing to complain about in my world, work is going well, mind you it is very slow. A lot of time between calls makes it a very boring experience, since they don’t not want us sucking up the bandwidth by surfing the web I have started bring novels to work and spend my time reading. How about that hunh? Getting paid to read? Yesterday for example I bought Donnie Brasco to work and seeing how I saw the movie and found it interesting I figured the book maybe better. Turns out I am right I am a hundred pages deep and looking forward to reading the rest of it. Anyway got to go and head to work. Have a good one.

Time for my weekly update I guess, not much happening in my world and I have nothing to complain about anyway. This past weekend I watched the Daytona 500 with my wife and it was a good race I thought. They had one pretty nasty accident which I figured would happen anyway. Dale JR won which was pretty cool considering his father was killed on the track a few years earlier. This Sunday they will be racing in Rockingham which is a nasty track when it comes to tire wear so I expect a couple of spills again this weekend.

I still have not had a smoke now I am in my fourth week of not smoking and I have not freaked out or killed anybody which is a good thing. On this Sunday my wife and I will be married for a year our first anniversary of many I hope. Time sure flies I must admit seems like only yesterday we got married. Mind you we will not be doing much to celebrate because it is Sunday and that is race day after all! Got too go talk to you all later have a good one everybody!


beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at her, and all his professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That is right," said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place."

Well I am on week three with no smoking and I am quite proud of myself. I had a good weekend but it was not long enough. I just relaxed and took it easy, anybody see the movie “Open Range”? Not a huge amount of action but I liked it all the same, which is a rare thing since westerns are usually not that good to begin with. I also watched once upon a time in Mexico and I enjoyed that movie as well, yes there was a lot of clichés I know but I found it entertaining all the same. Well my wife is a happy camper because NASCAR season is started again with the Bud-pole shoot out this past weekend. Should be a good race on Sunday, they changed the tire compound so the tires will wear out quicker and they also changed the rear spoiler to affect the down force. So you just watch on Sunday there is going to be a lot of accidents I just bet. it has been really slow at work as of late which is kind of nice, speaking of which I got to go and get back on the phone. Talk to you all later have a good one everybody.

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read: "Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. -- Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
"Dear Husband: You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be
at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

It has been a week today since I last had a cigarette, so I feel quite proud of myself. I passed the big test on Saturday night when I sipped on a few beer and never freaked out from not having a smoke. So I keep taking it a day a time, in a little while I am going to walk to work seeing how it is a nice day out. This weekend I really did not do much at all. Although I got to go into the local mall, my first trip in their since around Christmas time. I also tried to watch the “American Wedding” movie and let us just say I sighed and turned it off after about 15 minutes give or take. What a strained attempt at humour if I have ever seen it, just fucking lame. Now I thought since I am quitting smoking I was having some kid on chemical imbalance in my humour system, but not so I laughed at a number of different odds and ends this weekend. This movie was not one of them.

I did read a book called “The Cage” about an English man who moved to the U.S with his family when he was a teenager and ended up being drafted and sent to Vietnam. While there he was captured and tortured by the V.C and placed in a cage which was lowered into water until he had to turn his face up between the bars to breath. If anybody has seen the Deer Hunter you know what I am talking about. So anyway this gent escaped and lived in the jungle for a couple of days completely naked with no food and water, until an American patrol picked him up. Made for good reading, well I am glancing at the clock and I got to go and head to work talk to you all later. Have a good one everybody.

Started my new shift today, seems a little bit strange to come strolling into work for 11:30 when I am so used to getting here for 9:30 for the last couple of months. Plus I am sporting a nicotine patch to curb the smoking habit. I guess it is time to quit because it is not doing me any good. Plus it is getting awful expensive around $10 dollars a pack that we could be saving, mind you a pack usually lasts me almost 2 days which is not too bad I guess but not good either now is it? So far my day is going pretty good no climbing the walls from nicotine with drawl.

I watched a show this weekend about, Nostradamus. Every body is convinced he is predicting the future. I do not believe it my self, I think you can twist or interpret the text in anyway you want to make it true. Besides how do we know he was not all strung out on opium or something and having a trip? Could happen right? I think so anyway. Gotta go talk to you all later have a good one everyone.

Sorry I have not updated in awhile, I have been busy at work. I have a new shift starting on Tuesday. I will be working from 11:30 in the morning to 10:30 at night. This will be the latest I have worked in a year. Things could have been worse I guess could end up with four till one for example. The bonus about my new shift is that I am off at 4:30 on Friday and Saturday and I have my Sundays and Mondays off again. I have been off Sundays and Mondays for a year now and have grown accustomed to them and I don’t want to change. Mind you it is going to be weird since I have been coming to work for 9:30 in the morning so switching to 11:30 will be a big jump. Anyway that is all that is new with me talk to you all later have a good one everybody.

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the
testimonials of a few people who did....

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My
husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
with men's balls."

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
"No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned,
and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
never let
me forget.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amuk. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the
bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door
closed behind me were screams of laughter.

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I
realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked
him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord,
that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with
me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE
MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on
their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An
old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh
they'd ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but
don't get any....a true story... He had a female news anchor who,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to
the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but

half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who likes
to laugh.

I had a pretty good weekend all things considered; mind you I did not do anything special. I watched a few movies though, for example I watched Dumb and Dumberer. That movie did not make me laugh at all, in fact I turned it off at chapter five I do believe and handed it too my son. He thought it was funny, so the movie is appealing to ten year olds I guess. Then I watched S.W.A.T which I enjoyed, true it started off kind of slow but I enjoyed it all the same. I mean for a movie to be any good they do have to build up some semblance of a story right?

Yesterday I spent my day on the XBOX play NASCAR thunder 2004; I got into starting of a career. Talk about hard! You have hardly any money and no equipment when you start off. Plus you have the pedal to metal and other cars pass you like you are standing still unless you draft all the way around the track. It is going to be a hard go of it since I spend more time sliding into the walls on some of the tracks. Then I have to spend most of my hard earned cash repairing my car because every fucker and his brother will spin me out at every opportunity. Then again I learned that lesson well, so when people try to pass me now I spin the bastards out now when ever I get the chance. Which makes for lots of accidents in the race, what can I say I am the anti-Christ I guess. So I have to build up my team over 20 season to get all the expensive equipment, each season is 36 races but thank god I am only doing 10% of the race size. Anyway got to go talk to you all later have a good one everybody.

Did anybody see that new reality show on T.V last night? Called the apprentice? The concept is that a bunch of men and women are competing to work as a president of one of Donald Trump’s companies for a period of one year with a big salary. Sounds like a good deal all around if you win I guess, Last night he separated the group into men versus women and sent them off on a project. Each team received I think it was $250 dollars with which they had to see how much of a profit they could make selling lemonade. The winner was the women who were selling their lemonade for $5 a glass and including their phone numbers as well. Smart little tactic I though so they ended up quadrupling their money. The men were trying to sell lemonade near the fish market; I mean come on people who is going to be down near a smelly fish market unless they have to be? Needless to say they did not win and one of the team got fired. I found it very entertaining for sure; it is coming on again next Wednesday so I am curious to see what is going to happen next week.

I am looking forward to this weekend and doing some old fashioned relaxing, and spending some quality time with my wife and son. After today one more day to go and I have my glorious two days off. Too bad they go by way to quick, I amazes me how each week drags it’s ass until it reaches the weekend. Then the weekend goes by in the blink of an eye. Anyway got to go talk to you all later have a good one everybody.

Man is it cold outside, the car was coated in frost this morning, could be worse though I guess. Going to be a slow day at work today I would imagine considering yesterday was a slow one. Last night I watched a new show on discovery called American Hot Rod, in which a group of gents make custom cars. Mind you the cars are expensive ranging from $50,000 up to $500,000, ouch would not want to pay for that to be sure. I was not impressed with the show as I am with say with American Chopper. I like watching the guys fabricated everything from scratch when building a motorcycle. It is not the same when they built the cars because all the cars they build pretty much look the same. Yes they are nice cars but the appeal is not there. But then again it was the first show so maybe when the series actually starts it will be better.

Anybody see the bit on the news about the woman who claimed she lost her winning lottery ticket? Then the person who actually won came forward to claim the prize? She had the ticket and the sales slip from when she bought the ticket in the first place. Some people will try anything I guess.

On a whole different topic, I will be married for one year on the 22nd of next month. Did not take long for a year to slip past, where does the time go I wonder? Some times time drags out and other times it goes by in a flash. Next thing you know I will be bald and drooling on myself. Wonder if I will suffer the injustice of going senile and wetting myself. God I hope not, if I get that bad I hope someone pulls the plug on me. Any got to go talk to you all later have a good one everybody.

Way down in the outports of Newfoundland, Murph's old lady had been
pregnant for some time, and now the time had come. He brought her to
the doctor, and the doctor began to deliver the baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murph and said,
"Hey, Murph! You just had you a son! Ain't dat grand!!"
Murph got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!"

The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, "Hey, Murph! You got
you a daughter!!!! She a pretty lil ting, too...."
Murph got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said, "Hold on, we still ain't got done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy said, "Murph, you just had yourself another boy!"

Murph said to the doctor, "Doc, what caused all of dem babies?" The
doctor said, "You never know Murph, it was probably something that
happened d! uring conception."
Murph said, "Ah yeah, during conception"
When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat

down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night what we ran
out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.
She said, "Yeah, I remember dat night"
Murph said, "I'll tell you, bye, it's a fookin' good ting we didn't use dat WD-40!!"

Well another day done and over with for me, not much too report at work the last little while except some of the callers are getting more dense as time progresses. But what do you do right, just grin and bear it with then mute them and either laugh at their stupidity or curse them. This weekend I watched Bad Boys 2 which was ok, I was better than I figured it would be. Especially the part when they were in the morgue, I laughed my ass off at that part. Another movie I had a gander at was house of ghosts. Once I figured out what the hell was happening I found it more enjoyable. I have not been cruising the net much lately because I have been engrossed with a couple of books my wife bought for me. For example I am reading a book by Tom Clancy called Shadow Warriors, it is about U.S Special Forces and how they have built up since their birth in the great world wars. I read a lot of books dealing with the military and I enjoy them immensely, mostly because I served myself so I can see their point of view and understand how hard they have to train and endure. The part I am reading now is about how they invaded Panama which is making out for a good read indeed.

When I read a book that is a science fiction it makes me amused to read and entertained, but when I read some thing that is non-fiction or a biography it keeps me captivated, especially war novels for example. One of the best was called the Teams which was about the U.S navy SEALS, the last story in it was about Jessie “The Body” Ventura. It was pretty cool how he learned the values of physical fitness from the seals which carried over into his wrestling career. Anyway enough of babbling I guess but it makes me wonder if that is the taste I like in books what do everyone else out there read I wonder. Anyway got to go talk to you all later have a good one everybody. My friend Jen sent me this joke I thought it was funny.

There was a Mainlander, a Cape Bretoner and a Newfie on death row.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
1. to be shot
2. to be hung
3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the Mainlander said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was
dead instantly).

Then the Cape Bretoner said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)

Then the Newfie said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."

They gave him the shot, and the Newfie fell down laughing. The
guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this
guy.

Then the Newfie said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the
guards did.

Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his
eyes and he doubled over. Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Newfie replied, "You guys are so stupid..... I'm wearing a condom!"

What is up with men and bathrooms? I go to the bathroom stand in front of the urinal and talk a whiz. At no point in time while I watch my urine flow and hit the white porcelain that this is a good time to pick my nose and wipe it on the wall. So I guess that does not make me some kind of perverse snot artist. Why would you do this considering you are in a bathroom with paper towels, toilet paper and a sink to wash your hands in? What is the point of making graffiti out of it? Do you really think we want to se your booger and admire the shape, color, or the size of it? Like I got nothing better to do right? The cleaning crew never seems to get around to cleaning it up, do I blame them? Not in the least they are probably as disgusted as I am. That is my rant for today have a good one everybody.

Another new year is here; hopefully this one will go as good as last year. I am looking forward to this weekend and settling down to some good old fashion relaxing. We do not have any company this weekend so it will be a nice switch to have our place to ourselves. Having company is nice but it wears thin after awhile and it sure as hells cramps your style after awhile. Last night I watched Sea Biscuit with my wife, I must say it was a good movie it kept me interested through the whole thing. We watched Legally Blonde 2 the night before, it was errrr okay I guess but not something I would like to re-watch. A lot of the humor was strained I thought and a lot of the jokes were not funny at all. Hopefully I will get to rent a couple this weekend if there is anything left usually there is not.

Yesterday I got to go home early because it was not busy and it felt like a Saturday to me, so my week thus far is all fucked up. At least it was slow so that is something right there. I guess a lot of our customers had better things to do than call us (like nursing a hangover). Hopefully today will be slow as well, I guess I will find out when I get too work and get on the phone. Anyway I got to go have a good one everybody.

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

I hope everybody out there had a happy holiday for Christmas, I know I did. Mind you I had too work boxing day and we were very busy, what was up with that I had no idea be there you go human beings are strange people, instead of visiting loved ones they are spending their time in front of the computer. I have too work on new years eve and new years day, should be interesting to see how many calls come in on new years day. So I will have a tame night so I won¡¦t be hung over at work. Hard to believe Christmas is over already, but I had a good time all the same. My wife and I got a rush out of watching our son open his gifts. When were wrapping them I told her to give him the game boy last because that is all he will have eyes for and he was in true form to say the least. I made him drag the x box out of the room for me so I could try out his new NASCAR game and steering wheel. I got lots of amusing out of that let me tell you, but for some unknown reason my coordination went down hill as I sipped on a few Budweiser¡¦s what is up with that I wonder ƒº. So this year what is my resolution for the New Year? Not too make any that¡¦s what because we never fulfill them anyway. I just hope I have another good year of happiness with my wife and son, which is not too much to ask in my mind. Must go I just got home from work not to long ago and looking at a computer is making me ill. For all of you out there who got a Hewitt Packard (HP) computer for Christmas, Jesus wept is all I can say. Plus I hope you bought extended warranty because you sure the fuck are gonna need it. Have a good one everybody talk to you all later.



Grandma

A girl was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and the girl was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, the girl's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter. Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, the girl told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some."Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewilderedand exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out and suck them dry."

Hey everyone how are you? I had a pretty good weekend all things considered. Went shopping yesterday and the mall was just crazy let me tell you, go figure it is too be expected I guess. I have to do a little bit more today but nothing too serious and the stores I need to visit won’t be crowded anyway. I watched Bruce All Mighty this weekend and I was disappointed to tell you the truth. It was not as funny as I thought it was going to be, a lot of people saw the movie and told me it was really funny but I only chuckled at a few parts. Anybody getting excited about Christmas? I am really looking forward to it. I love watching my wife and son open their presents and seeing the look on their faces when they are surprised. Makes it all worth while somehow or another, hopefully I will get to post again soon; I would say Christmas day for sure. Lately by the time I get home the last thing I want to do is look at a computer after fixing our customer’s computer so bear with me. Go to go and head to work have a good one everybody.


This is truly a heart-warming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers.

This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race...

...A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot.

One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next-door and started talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar.

The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that she start a savings account.

When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age with a crew building a house."

My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those useless bastards at Home Depot ever bring us the fucking drywall."

I usually get asked if I miss home, the home in question is Newfoundland and the answer is a flat no, then I get asked why. Well here is why, when I moved back to Stephenville the last time with my wife (before we were married) we were strapped for cash. There is little to no work over there and good luck getting a job. So some relatives of mine starting telling my wife that I was a loser, lazy did not want too work, that I wanted to be a welfare bum? The last one makes me laugh because I am thinking that is probably how some of them are paying their own bills. Supportive family right? *rolling my eyes here* so the best idea we ever had was to move away, we ended up in Nova Scotia. So how ironic that right now I am the only one in my family working right now, hmm seems I am the LAZY one then I guess. I have called one of my family members and since they did not return my calls or answer the phone for that matter I have deducted they did not want too talk to me so my response? FUCK YOU THEN, don’t say I did not call when you have caller display and you damn well did know I made the attempt. Don’t lie to others and say you talk to me on messenger all the time, when everyone who knows me can tell you I hardly go on line with it. So you see I am the black sheep of my family, and it does not bother me in the least. I am in exile from my family and that is just fine by me. I have a wife and a son and that is my world, and I am a happier man not too have to deal with the craziness of my family. Since my father died I rather doubt I will willingly go back, maybe if someone dies I might but other than that I have nothing to go back for. Anyway enough ranting I got to go and get ready to head to work, talk to you all later have a good one everyone.

An executive was in quandary. He had to get rid of
one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of
two people, either Debra or Jack. It would be a hard
decision to make, as they were both equally qualified
and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in
the morning whichever one used the water cooler first
would have to go.

Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over
after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get
some water to take a couple of aspirins and the
executive approached her and said, "Debra, I've never
done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

Debra replied, "Could you please jack off? I have a
terrible headache."

Well I am back, sorry about the lack of posts last week but we are extremely busy at work and I have little time to write a post let alone check out the usual blogs I normally visit. Even though it is busy at least the time goes by faster, even though it is hard on the brain. How was every one’s weekend? Mine was good, not long enough as per usual. Ever notice that you week drags by but the weekend blow past you in a blink of an eye, not very fair in my mind but what are we to do? I did watch a movie called 28 days later, anybody see it? People get infected with a virus that puts them in a rage and makes them want to kill the people who are not infected. I supposed this could really happen one of these days. How ever I would be not like those two wing nuts who at the beginning of the movie, were walking around with a baseball bat and a machete, I mean get real if you thought you were the only one alive with a bunch of enraged crazy people would you not go and get a gun? Preferably one with a clip that can hold 30 rounds or so, makes sense right? Not in movie land I guess. Anyway got too go and get to work talk to you all later have a good one everyone.

A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his
computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass the female, he told her to enter penis.
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.
She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!!!

I never got a chance too post this week because we have been rather busy for a change which is not a bad thing I guess. The company I work for has released a new product so we are getting a lot of calls on it; at least it makes the day go by quicker. Plus they do not want us browsing the web at work because it is sucking down our band width, so it kind of puts the damper on things. Not much is going on in my life right now so I have no complaints. Anyone see the show about big foot that was on the other night? I find it amusing that people state they see a 9 or 10 foot creature strolling around and nobody takes them serious. Every body that claims to have seen big foot cannot be lying, what would you can from being called crazy or ridiculed? Not much I don’t think. I think there could be such a creature, god knows there is enough of wilderness that is still untouched for it to live in. although I have often wondered if is truly alive and well why have no one found a dead carcass from one of them because surely they are like the rest of us and cannot live forever. But in the end who the hell knows, they did not think there was life on the bottom of the ocean either. Have a good day everybody talk to you all later.


An Irishman, Englishman & a Newfie were in a bar.
There was only one other person in the bar; a man.
The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar.
They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when, suddenly; the Irishman cried out, "I know who that man is. It's Jesus!"
The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.
The Irishman calls out, "Hey! Hey, you! Are you Jesus?"
The man looks over at him; smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am Jesus," he says.
The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him, "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me."

So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles "thank you"
The Englishman then calls out, "Er, excuse me Sir, but would you be Jesus?"
Jesus smiles and says, "Yes, I am Jesus."
The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus, which the bartender duly does.

As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men.
Then the Newfoundlander calls out, "Hey, you! D'yafigger you're Jesus, or what?"
Jesus nods and says, "Yes, I am Jesus."
The Newfie is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a bottle of Black Horse for Jesus, which he accepts with pleasure.
Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement. "Oh! The arthritis is gone," he says. The arthritis I've had for years is gone.
Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale.

Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen in shock. "By Jove," he exclaims, "The migraine I've had for over 40 years is completely gone. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then approaches the Newfoundlander, who has a terrified look on his face.
"Back off, buddy, I'm on Workers' Compensation."

Well time to start another week, I was out of synch last week with the snow storm and Super Steve being let go. (He will be sadly missed to say the least) as for my weekend it was pretty good I guess I did not do anything special. I did however watch Ice Age with my son and I must admit I found it very funny which is kind of cool I guess.

Last night I was watching a documentary on the discovery channel about the deep ocean, for example did you know the biggest mountain chain on the planet is under water? Me either and I do believe they said it stretches some 28 thousand miles. The marine biologists were using deep sea submersibles to explore the mysteries of the deep. One thing that floored me was a picture in Gulf of Mexico. It was a lake at the bottom of the ocean, freaky indeed. The shore line was made up of mussels and the water it enclosed ebbed and flowed with a tide and there was even a high tide mark to be seen. The water the mussels enclosed was a different color than the ocean because it was all brine and therefore a higher density than the ocean it’s self. There you have it a lake on the ocean floor. It is hard to describe it to be sure but to see it was mind bending to me. I had to stare at the picture for a couple of minutes for the reality to set in, after I got my mind around what I was seeing I could not help but grin in amusement. Anyway I got to go and head too work talk to you all later have a good one everybody. (No joke today something a bit different I got this in an email and found it amusing.)

INNER SKELETON:
A 63yr old widow was admitted to the hospital Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X- rays showed that she was carrying a 20-inch long skeleton of a foetus, which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.

FEMALE SOFA:
A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts, and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

PRICKLY PAIR:
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE?
A 20yr old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, and then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and pain. Under general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping-pong ball.

BLIND DRUNK:
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.

OUCH:
A couple hobbled into a Washington (state) emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to her man. While in the act she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in he head until she let go

I never got chance to post yesterday but I have an interesting one for you today. I was watching on the news about a man in Germany who is accused of cannibalism. What this guy did was advertise for a victim on the internet and guess what? Someone actually answered which is the strangest thing I ever heard of. So when this person turned up at this guy’s home he gave him some pain killers and cut off a body part and they ate it together now they did not say which part but who knows. They he killed the guy and put him in the refrigerator. The whole thing was video taped as well I might add. Now is this murder, because this is what they are charging him with. The victim pretty much volunteered to be killed so it is a strange case. How did the police find out about all of this, when he posted on the internet for a new victim. It would have been nice if he had eaten some of the annoying people we see on T.V all the time, which would have been too much to ask I guess. Anyway got to go and head to work talk to you all later have a good one everyone.


A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?" The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.

When I went to bed last night there was not a flake of snow on the ground, not the case this morning however. I woke up with a winter wonderland out side paid in spades. Now way we were getting out of the driveway this morning and I knew that the cabs would not be on the road. So I thought to myself what would Jared do? Same thing as I did last year when we had a really bad snow storm, hoof it to work. I got soaked to be sure but I did however get my Tim Horton’s coffee so it was not too bad. The snow in the driveway of our parking lot was up too my waist all the way to the road. The roads themselves were not bad in some places but I would not want to be behind a wheel of a vehicle while trying to drive on them. There are only a handful of hearty souls here at work right now so it should be an interesting day to say the least. I am guessing more people will straggle in later on today if the roads manage to get cleared. So have a good one everybody talk to you all later I got too go and get to work. I got this in my email yesterday iI thought it was amusing, wether it is true or not.


A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she
reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45
am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman from
the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing
up putting the entire plant behind schedule. The Personnel Manager
decides that
he should see this for himself so the two men march down to the factory
floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are
Elmo's
all over the floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end
of the line stands the new employee. She has a roll of red plush fabric
and
a big bag of marbles. The men watch in amazement as she cuts a little
piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to sew the
little
package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Man bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and
approaches
the woman. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight
face," but I think you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give
each
Elmo "two test tickles."

I had a really good time this weekend, on Saturday night I went to my wife’s Christmas party for work. It was a good time to say the least, and I must admit it was nice to get out for awhile since we do not get to do it very often. Kind of hard to do when you have a child so when we do get to go somewhere it makes all the more enjoyable. So a good time was had by all. How was everyone else’s weekend good I hope? This weekend should be amusing as well; our son has his birthday this weekend on Friday to be exact. So on Sunday we will be doing something for him, I am not sure what but my wife will be cooking something for him. Given the choice of going out too eat and my wife cooking, he chose her cooking instead. Which is a good choice in my mind because it will be way better than anything you can buy at a restaurant. So back to work today and I hope this week goes as well as last week. Anyway got to go and get too work talk to you all later have a good one everybody.


An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the
city one night and, of course, his car is weaving all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver,
"where have you been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell
out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf."

There is a young lady on my team who is going to school to get a few courses done while she works here. So it turns out she has an assignment to do about how guys have a macho attitude, or as she said machismo. So she hit me and Super Steve up for a couple of questions she has to do for her survey. She wanted a question she could ask to see how brave people are. Super Steve came up with the idea for Russian roulette, like he said nobody in their right mind would want to do this. Maybe if you are stoned or drunk, or fucking crazy as he put it. So I had to come up with a stellar answer for her because Steve popped out one so quickly. On went the thinking cap and this is the first one I came up with.

If you were faced with the situation would you pull the trigger and kill someone in cold blood I asked her. Well now I thought I was on jeopardy or something; am I mad at this person? Am I in danger? Am I being threaten she asked me? No I said would you just kill a person in general if it was a him or you situation. Most people would hesitate and end up getting kill is what I think of the situation. Killing is wrong I know but to be honest we are animals after all so killing is an instinct that we try hard to suppress in every day life.

The other one I cam up with to see how people would re-act is another good one in my mind. If faced with the choice between you and your loved one dieing who would you choose to live? If it was me and my wife I would gladly die to save her. Most people would save themselves because people are afraid of the great unknown that death represents to us. This young lady I am talking about did not even hesitate with her answer either, put it this way I would not want to be in her boyfriend’s shoes in that particular situation. Anyway I am tired and my train of thought is wandering away so I will quit while I am ahead. Have a good weekend everybody talk to you all later.



Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this
hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?"

"I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to his
boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun while you're standing in the shade?"

"Intelligence," the boss said.

"What do you mean?"

The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your
fist as hard as you can."

The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand
and the ditch digger hit the tree, immediately clutching his hand in agaony. The boss said, "That's
intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back to his hole, still in pain. His friend asked, "What did he say?"

"He said we are down here because of intelligence."

"What's intelligence?" said the friend.

The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."

Well I had yesterday off because it was thanksgiving in the U.S and we did not have to work if we did not want to. So I stayed home and got to sleep in which was nice and plus it breaks up the week a bit better. Anyway I was bored so I started playing a computer game Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2 , I usually play skirmish mode against two or three computer opponents but I got sick of beating them on all levels of difficulties. So I started playing the campaign, there is some thing to be said when playing a game on default level and you are hanging on by the skin of you teeth the whole time. Makes for a good strategy game, but I notice when playing all these type of games you always start of at a disadvantage because the computer is always three steps ahead of you. But then again maybe that is why we feel a sense of accomplishment when we beat the snot out of the computer. I think after I finish with the allies campaign I will give the soviet campaign a whirl and see how that goes. See this is why I have a computer at home so I can play video games, most people use it for email or surfing the web but not me, I guess I still have that twelve year old kid in me who used to pump quarters into the arcade games lurking around deep inside. Anyway enough of babbling I guess talk to you all later have a good day everyone.

While waiting for a bus, the blind man's dog decided to go to the bathroom
all over the blind man's legs.

A passerby commented to the blind man, "What! That dog just went to the
bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?"

To which the blind man replied, "Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling
for his bottom, so I can kick him."

Well guess what everybody someone has finally woken up and figured out an important fact in our lives. All you Americans out there who get a bunch of AOL Cd's in the mail take heed. Sanyo Electric Company has heard the call and has taken up arms in the fact they will be producing biodegradable disks made from, guess? Corn! I kid you not; it would take 85 kernels of corn to make a 12cm disk that will break down into carbon dioxide and water after 50 to 100 years. Yes a long time but at least it will degrade which is more than we can say about our current disks. I bet they will put a warning label on that one though because I can just see some fool trying to butter on the damn thing and trying to eat it. Anyway I got to go and get too work talk to you all later, have a good one everyone.


The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?"
"A horsy," one child answers.
"And this?" the teacher asks.
"A piggy." replies another youngster.
"And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a
male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only total
silence.
"Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll give you a little hint.
What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot?"
"I know! I know!!" exclaims one little girl. "It's a horny bastard!

All things considered I have a half decent weekend. We have a house guest for the weekend which puts a damper on things in my mind. It is not the same when you have a guest because you don’t feel comfortable in doing the normal every day things because you are watched all the time. Other than that in got too watch some good movies though which killed the time, all though it was no easy task because the said person was a loud talker. Why this person needed a phone is beyond my comprehension, I swear they thought they were on a ship to shore radio or something, better yet open the window and stick your head out they will hear you. So imagine trying to watch a movie like that? No easy task. Needless to say I did not shed any tears when that person left on Monday. Neither did my wife for that matter, as she said nice to have our house back which was my sediments exactly. Anyway got too go and get to work I guess talk to you all later have a good one everybody. I had this joke emailed to me the other day so I saved it for my post today I thought it was funny.



A true Player

One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards with some friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across the table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on.

He sat up and was flushed. He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and said "Did you like what you saw?" Mike said yes I did.

She said, "Well you can get more than that but it will cost you $500." So Mike thought about this financial situation and said O.K. She said come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then.

Mike said, "I'll see you then."

The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left.

Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today?"

She said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did."

Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you."

Ah well not much to write about today except they are really some stupid people out there. Come on face the facts I know it and you know it, I came across a site on the net about dumb warning on the internet and I will show you some of them. The really truly scary part is they must have put silly warnings on products because somebody got hurt or injured and tried to sue a company for being a moron.

Liquid Plummer Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages

Toilet Plunger Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Hair Coloring Caution: Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Mattress Warning: Do not attempt to swallow

Swedish Chainsaw Warning: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

Various Computers Warning: Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue

Rowenta Iron Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.

There you go how is that for lame, especially since some one some where had to try this stupid shit in the first place. Well got to go and get too work talk to you all later.


Subject: It's not the size.
Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why
the head
on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took 2 years and cost
over $180,000.00. The results of the study concluded that the reason
the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man
with more pleasure
during sex.

After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their
own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the
US study were incorrect. After three years of research and cost an
excess of
$250,000.00, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger
than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex.

When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided
to conduct their own study. The Poles didn't really trust the US or German
studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and at a cost
of right around $75.00, the Polish study reached a conclusion. The Polish
study came to the final conclusion that the reason the head on a man's penis is
larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting
you
in the forehead.

I see Michael Jackson is catapulted back into the news. Seems he is being accused of molesting a child again. Well I don’t know if he did it or not, but who knows he looks like a person bit off center of balance to me. He got accused before and settled out of court and now here he is on the chopping block again. Now if I was a parent and he was accused and settled out of court in my mind that would be guilty because if I was accused and I was innocent I would fight tooth and nail to clear myself. Mind you would have the stigma of being a child molester following you around but at least you could look yourself in the mirror. So here is a man who confesses to sleep in the same bed with young children. Would you let your kids do this? I don’t care if he is a celebrity or not what the fuck were you people thinking? I bet they did it so something would happen so they could do a major cash grab and sue him. Poor little Johnny or Susie is scarred for life, oh well let’s get rich! Gotta love it hunh? So even if he was found guilty how much do you bet he would not do hard time, I bet the jail or prison he would end up in would be more of a country club. If he is guilty I would like to see him to go a ”REAL” prison like San Quentin where he would get passed around like the communal offering to see how he likes being exploited, that is if he is guilty. If he is not guilty, well then how about stop sending your kids over there giving fuel to more controversy. I mean really how about hanging out with people your own age. Anyway got to go and get too work, talk to you all later everyone have a good one.

Four women were chatting in the locker room, when one of them
mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms for male
masturbation jerking off, wanking, spanking the monkey, and so
on there weren't any common terms for female masturbation.

"I've always called it 'jilling off'," said one of the women.

"But that's just a feminization of 'jacking off,'" said the first.

"You're right," said another. "We don't seem to have any slang
terms of our own for it."

The fourth woman snorted. "After fourteen years of marriage,
there's only one thing I call it."

"What's that?"

"Finishing the job."

Can someone tell me what the big deal about Jessica Lynch is? Sure she was a soldier; sure she was captured and interrogated. But so was a lot of other soldiers, I have seen articles on the web were she said she was slapped and stabbed and so on and so forth. Ever read Bravo Two Zero ? it is a story about the British SAS ( Special Air Service) which is a special forces patrol that became compromised behind enemy lines in Iraq and a couple of them were captured. Now those gentlemen were seriously beaten and tortured for an extended period of time.

The point being is how is this girl all of a sudden “America’s Sweet heart” or “America’s Hero”? Personally I think it is because she is young and relatively good looking. The fact she is not butt ugly probably helps her popularity some what. Dare is say it? Yes I will the last reason is I think is because she is white, there now is out there. I have seen other women soldiers who were captured but nobody is making a big deal about them either. Is it because they are black? If so I think it is a shame to the highest degree, and an outrage. Anyone who have been captured and made it back should be all treated in the same high standard. They all have done the same sacrifice and paid the same dues in being captured. So why is the spot light shinning on her then? Probably because they can use her as a poster child for white Middle America, considering a bulk of the United States are from an ethnic background this is very unusual. African Americans, Hispanic, Asians, Middle Eastern people, Native Americans and even more groups of people make up a huge population in the states. I think they are all getting a raw deal from this to say the least. Anybody else out there ever think about things like this? I do I do not know why it bothers me but it does. Mostly because I do not treat anybody different because of the color of their skin but as sad as it is in this day in age there are people that do. Fifty years from now I wonder if there will be any change. Hopefully it will as it is time for people to smarten up and get with the program. That is my two cents for today I guess, I find it amusing people are auctioning off things with Jessica Lynch on it, for example $5 for a refrigerator magnet? Jesus wept let me tell you, got to go and get too work I guess talk to you all later. Have a good one every body.

The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the
football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run
smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a
shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred
yard dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a
football?"

The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few
seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can
probably pass it."

Another week has begun. I did not do much this weekend but I did go and fix two computers yesterday (one of them had the KLEZ virus for example) at my wife’s work place. I guess her boss felt a bit guilty about getting me out there yet again on my day off so he paid me $50 which I did not expect in the least but it was nice to feel appreciated. Had another bout of insomnia last night, I hate it when that happens. Alternating staring at the ceiling and the clock while you twist and turn, when sleep almost has you in its grasp you cough or your shoulder cramps from lying on your side too long. Then the clock goes off in the morning and you feel like a turtle trying to hide in your shell hoping if you burrow under the blankets the screeching sound will stop then you think malicious thoughts about the fate of your alarm clock. So then you are resigned to get up seeing the damned thing won’t stop anyway and stumble through the morning hoping your brain will clear the cobwebs away with the help of some coffee. That is how my morning is going so far, have a good one everyone talk to you all later.

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the
students, pointing out some of the rules, saying, "The
female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male
students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anyone caught breaking this rule once will be fined $50."

He continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule a second
time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will
incur a hefty fine of $400. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How
much for a season pass?"

Last night I started to read the Long Hard Road Out Of Hell which is the autobiography of Marilyn Manson. To say it is interesting is an understatement to say the least. Seems he had a very weird child hood and a lot of what he talks about I can relate too. Especially the parts about going to a Catholic School and having to adhere to the dress code and chafing at all the stupid rules they have. Been there done that and have the t-shirt, mind you it is not a long book and the print is big so I expect I will have it read by Sunday at the latest. Not tonight though I have other plans *grin*. The other book I have is about biker gangs and about a guy who was supposed to be a hit man for the Hell’s Angels. Which is going to be a good read as well, I have read about 4 books about them so far and it never fails to be a page turner. So I am looking forward to reading this one, it was yanked off the book shelves in Atlantic Canada because there were names of people going to testify and have not gone to trial yet. So my wife spotted the book when she was up in Alberta and got it for me. Anyway enough of babbling I guess I will talk to you all later have a good one everyone.


A new teacher was trying to make use of her
psychology courses.

One morning she started the school day by
saying to her class, "Everyone who thinks
you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Elwood stood up.

The teacher asked, "Do you think you're stupid,
Little Elwood?"

Elwood replied, "No, ma'am, but I hate to see
you standing there all by yourself!"

Today is Friday which is a bonus because my wife well be home today * insert mischievous grin here* and I get to go to training all day. That is another bonus because I don’t have to take any calls for eight hours. Mind you I know the training on our new product is going to be boring because I have already seen it and used it anything that gets me off the phone is a good thing. Yesterday was not a bad day all things considered I guess In the way of calls. One call does stick out in my mind. A woman I was talking to in New York was acting very distracted while I was on the phone. So I asked her what is wrong. She told me it was very windy there last night then she went silent and said WHAT THE HELL?” so I asked what? She told me there was someone out side her window, so I said it may be the wind moving trees and bushes around. She agreed and kept looking, and then she said no there is someone there. Now I can tell a person’s mood as soon as I start talking to them. For example if you are mad or snotty on the phone I will have you calmed down and laughing at the end of the call. Well she was scared and I could hear it in her voice. When she told me she had to go I told her to hang up and call 911 right away. Better safe than sorry I figure, even if the cops came and it was only trees or bushes what ever have you moving around all you would feel is foolish and relieved. But if there was someone there trying to take advantage of the bad weather to prey on others……

Some times yes I do wish I could get my hands on some of my callers, and yes I would probably do them bodily harm. But when it comes to some thing like that I find it creepy to say the least especially when it comes to a woman home alone because I can think of my wife in the same situation. So I hope she is okay and every thing is well I am going to check when I get to work after to see if she called back. Hopefully she did. Anyway I got to go and get ready to head to work, I don’t have to be there until eleven this morning which is a far cry from my usual nine thirty. So have a good day everybody talk to you all later.

Three old timers were relating their most exciting experiences.
The first, a retired sheriff, described the terrifying excitement of a shoot-out
with Bonnie and Clyde back in his younger days. The other gents nodded and
agreed that that, indeed, would have been exciting.

The second, a retired fireman, related the tale of a huge fire at the university
several years back. There were flames, firetrucks from several area fire
departments, but the most exciting part were the naked coeds jumping from their
dorm windows into his arms. The others gents agreed that had to be a very
exciting time.

The third guy started, "I was an undertaker. One night I got a call to pick up a
body that was under a sheet in a hotel room. When I got there, the guy had a
huge erection. I knew there was no way I could get him through the lobby like
that. So I found an old broom and whacked that erection just as hard as I could
to make it go down." He paused. The retired fireman asked, "So, how was that
exciting?"

The undertaker answered, "Well, you see, I was in the wrong room."

Why is it some days go faster then others I wonder? Here I am at work and there are days when time goes by in a blink of an eye and other times it draws out like a never ending piece of string unraveling from the fabric of time.

TICK

I wait for a call browse the internet for awhile to kill some time, I take a couple of calls knowing that sometimes they are long.

TOCK

I glance at my clock on the computer screen and the numbers there taunt me. FIFTEEN minutes has passed. FUCK! Is this day ever going to end I wonder.

Ever have a day like that? Yesterday was the same thing when I got home. It always seemed later than it actually was. My son commented on the same thing, so I was not the only one that felt time was moving slow. I sure am looking forward to this weekend, my wife will be back on Friday and I am looking forward to some QUALITY time with her. So today is Thursday and it will not go by quick enough for me. So have a good one everyone talk to you all later.

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced
with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick
and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put
on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of
little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to
be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a
major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day.

To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors. She asked
the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled
squeegee, dipped it into the toilet, and then cleaned the mirror.

Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

Yesterday I was watching TV and I ended up watching Seinfeld, it was one of the shows I had never seen before. It was the one where jerry was dating a woman who did not laugh but her room mate found him hilarious so he was attracted to her instead. So jerry and George were plotting how to switch from one roommate to another. So George came up with the idea of a manage a tois so she would get mad a clear the way for Jerry. Well she was into the idea and when jerry told George he was not going to do it, George freaked out. All in all I laughed my ass of at it, too bad there are not more sitcoms on TV that make me laugh as much as that show does.

I cannot wait until Friday because my wife left on Sunday to go too Calgary to visit her sister. So my son and I are doing the bachelor thing which is alright I guess but it boring with nobody to talk too when he goes to bed. It is strange how much difference there is in the house with a woman around. Plus my bed feels empty with out her and I toss and turn all night. Alas I am domesticated I would imagine maybe that is why I feel lonely without her. Anyway I got to go and get too work talk to you all later have, a good one everyone.


John and Mary had been high school sweethearts, but they had never had sex.
"We'll have to wait until we are married," she told him.
So he waits...
They are engaged three years, and finally the big day rolls around. On their
wedding night, Mary comes out of the bathroom, and says, "I have some bad
news. I have my period, and I don't want our first time to be all bloody!"
John says, "You're kidding!"
Mary says, "We'll just have to wait a bit longer." Mary goes to sleep, and
wakes up at 3:00 am to get a drink. On her way back to bed, she notices
Johnny wide away staring at the ceiling.
"There's no use John," she said. "You might as well go to sleep."

"I would, except my dick's so hard there's not enough skin left to close my
eyes!"

Beginning of another week, work is definitely over rated to say the least. It certainly would be nice to win the lottery I would guess but alas I would probably get struck by lighting before that would happen. It is Remembrance Day so thanks to all the people who have served to make the world a better place to live in. the last couple of days I have not done too much except playing the XBOX. In particular I was playing Sega GT 2002 which is a racing game. I started playing last Christmas when we got the game but the novelty wore off, so picked it back up and finally finished it. No was no easy task to be sure because to have to get a license after each stage and you have a bare bone car and a time limit royal pain in the ass. Well I did a long post yesterday so I will keep this one short have a good one everyone talk to you all later.

At a party, a woman was observing a child who would hold his chest
whenever he bent down. After a few minutes, the woman asked the kid,
"Why
do you hold your chest whenever you bend down?"

The kid said, "One day, my teacher was writing on the board,
the chalk fell down, and when my teacher bent down to pick
up the chalk, I saw her lungs comes out of her chest."

The other day my mind started to do a wandering trip down memory lane and I started to think about when I was young. For all of you people over the age of 25 it is a wonder we survived childhood. For example we did not wear helmets when riding a bike, and if you wore one you were considered a pussy and shunned by others and possible beaten up. I had one of those bikes if you can remember them; it was a motor cross bike. It looked sort of like a motorbike really had a tank, shocks and all that good stuff. Besides the fact it was a heavy son of a bitch so maybe that is why I was in so good shape when I was a young grass hopper. Imagine pedaling that thing up a hill. So I got that bike and I used to do jumps on in, using home made ramps. I vividly remember landing on the front wheel a couple of times and luckily gravity bought the rear wheel down before I did a face plant in the dirt. Same goes when I got a 10 speed bike and it was raining, the back brakes got wet and did not work and as I was going down a dirt road I had to put on the front ones so I could stop and guess where I went? Yup did my best superman right over the front wheel. Mind you I got a couple of bumps and bruises but nothing too bad bit it sure could have, toughened me up as we used too say.

As I live in Canada we have long winters up here, not like it is a choice I guess. Any how I remember as kids we used to go out on any ice that was available and play hockey. How did we test the ice? The biggest kid or the heaviest kid went out on the ice and jumped up and down in multiple spots, if he did not fall through and drown the ice was deemed safe by the rest of us. So then we proceeded out to play and try to kill each other on the ice, funny how we DID wear helmets but no other protective gear. So I came to the conclusion that we must have turned out sort of normal with little or no brain damage *grin*, well that point is debatable I guess. We used to throw lawn darts straight up in the air and run to avoid them. They were dammed dangerous things to be sure imagine getting one of them imbedded in your skull back then? You would ended up being a drooling vegetable who would probably be wearing adult diapers for the rest of you life and ride the BLUE school bus too school. Anyway must go I guess bended your ears long enough have a good one everyone talk to you all later.

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they
were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You
know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up
today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south
and spend the day looking around. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our
experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and hikes south.
That night
over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a
beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then
I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched
deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with
butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"

The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks.
I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks.
I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we had sex in every
imaginable way all afternoon.
Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move,

So, I came back to camp."

"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than

mine. Did you get a blow job, too?" "Nah," says the second friend eating his meal,

"I couldn't find her head."

In my job I get all kinds of call from every different kind of people you can think of or maybe some you wish would not call. Two days ago I was talking to a woman who lived in Virginia, now I know I make people comfortable on the phone so she was no exception. She ended up telling me she likes to sun bathe nude in her back yard by her swimming pool. Why I needed to know this for tech support I do not know but it was funny all the same.

Yesterday I was talking to a guy who used to be a 500 pound biker who spent most of his life drinking and doing drugs. So he went back to 180 pounds and cleaned his act up, he also told me he was in the biker gang called the Grim Reapers. But that is not the kicker he was telling me about a porn movie he downloaded where a man inserted his head up to his neck in a woman’s vagina. Now why he told me this one I have absolutely no idea but I must confess I laughed my ass of when he told me that. Then he asked if I wanted to know where to go and download it. I politely refused because why would a man want to do that in the first place and I really did not want to see it. Would any of you want to see that? Can you just say eww? Anyway I got to go and get on the phone have a good weekend everyone talk to you all later.


A wife went in to see a therapist, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every
time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting
yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the
problem is."

"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

I am really glad I am not a soldier in Iraq right about now; they are getting killed over there hand over fist. I was watching the news today and yet another helicopter crashed and another soldier was killed when a convoy was caught in an ambush. So the life expectancy cannot be very high, being in a hostile environment is stressful enough with out wondering if you are going to be the next one to die. A lot of those young lads will come home very combat weary. I would dear say some will suffer from post traumatic stress disorder after seeing some of the shit they have seen. I almost went back in the military just before I started working here; I had just finished doing my medical test and had to do my physical test which is easy. So by now I would probably be over in Afghanistan pulling peace keeping duty. My wife is very relieved that I never went back in but some times I miss the life. Then I remember all those mornings waking up before dawn in a trench covered in mud and a couple days of grime, after being awake for countless hours and I wonder if I am a mental case for missing that? Who knows maybe I am but that kind of life grows on you I guess. Anyway must go and get to work I guess have a good one everyone talk to you all later.



I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me she could see
from the bedroom window that I had left the light on in the shed.
As I looked for myself,
I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned the
police, but they told me that no one was in our area to help at this
time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available.

I said "OK", hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police
back.

"Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my
shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've shot them
all."

Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an
Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars
red-handed.

One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

I replied with, "I thought you said there was nobody available."

Hard to figure out how to dress when coming to work lately, about two weeks ago you could come to work in a t-shirt and two days ago you needed a winter jacket on. Today is nice going to be a bout eleven degrees which is a big switch from the day before, yup real flu weather.

About two days ago my son asked me if I saw the big bee on the window, seeing how I just got up I grunted no and left it at that. When I was more coherent I had a look my self, well it was not a bee but a wasp and a damn big one at that. He is still there stuck to our screen as he did when he landed I guess. Dead as a door nail, he has no visible damage so I expect the cold must have killed him and he never got a chance to get back to his hive. He is in good condition, and if there was a way to get him I would but alas there is not. I cannot open the screen and we are on the second floor so if I flicked him off he would be lost in the grass. My wife wanted me to knock him off the screen yesterday but I said no, leave him there and I will now call him Herman. In all honesty I am waiting to see how long he will last before he either falls off; blows away or a bird eats him. The cool thing is when you go over and look at him through the window you can see his eyes very evil looking to say the least. Anyway must go and get ready to get on the phone have a good one everyone, boring story I know but maybe I will have something better tomorrow. Talk to you all later.

I got this story in an email and firgured I would post it because I laughed my ass off when I read it.

Best Comeback Line Ever


This was the title of an article in the Calgary Sun.


In summary, the police arrested Ward Branham, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Lethbridge, Alberta, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Ward will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Calgary courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop.

"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around there for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Ward went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."

"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Ward apparently failed to notice a police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brin Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Ward) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin. "

Taylor went on to describe what happened when SHE approached Ward. "I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, ...

"A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"

I was watching T.V this morning while I was sipping on my cup of Joe, they had a piece on CNN about cigarette lighters in cars and how automobile companies and put up to five in cars and trucks. Why you maybe asking? Well for such things as cell phones but what blew my mind is this. Some companies are selling curling irons, coffee pots, and frying pans so they can be used in cars. Now why is it I can see someone driving down the road on a freeway or highway some where trying to curl their hair? I mean isn’t there enough accidents with people talking on cell phones so the idea of someone making coffee or using a frying pan to cook their breakfast for example is just scary. Ports for DVD players in the back of a van for kids I can understand but you have to draw the line somewhere I am sure.

Here is the kicker, there is a company in the U.S that sells ADULT toys that can be plugged into a cigarette lighter. Is there really a market for this? I would not to be pulled over by a cop car with a vibrating vagina plugged in. can you just imagine? Anybody else find this idea a tad bit strange? Anyway must go and get on the phone talk to you all later, have a good one everybody.

Two guys had grown up together since they were young. As fate would have it, one guy grew up
being a total ladies' man, and the other guy became a total nerd. One summer day the nerd could
stand it no longer. He asked his friend how he picked up all the chicks. His friend answered, "Just
put a potato down your pants and parade up and down the beach, they'll just run to you."

So the geek said, "Okay! I'll give it a try!"

So the next day he put a potato in his pants and went down to a crowded beach loaded with
chicks in bikinis. He saw his friend surrounded by girls as usual, but none came to him. All he got
was a few weird stares from older men. Dismayed, he went home.

The next day he went to his friend's house and told him his dramatic story. His friend shook his
head and said, "Buddy, you were supposed to put the potato in the front!"

Ah a new week for me has begun; I had yet another three day weekend. I did not do mush as per usual. I did watch two movies however, bowling for columbine and the Italian job. Anybody out there see any of these two movies?

Bowling for columbine was excellent to say the least, I like watching certain documentaries and this one was no different. I think Michael Moore did a good job on this project and it was interest how Canada has a huge amount of gun in our country some where in the neighborhood of 10 million but has only a few gun related deaths as opposed to the U.S. it is strange how two countries can be so close in proximity and yet be so different culturally.

If you get a chance you should see the Italian job as well, it was a good movie as well but did not leave a lasting impression on me as the latter. Have a good one very one talk to you all later.


A man met a beautiful girl, and she agreed to spend the night with
him for $500. So, they spent the night together. In the morning before he
left, he told the girl that he did not have any cash with him,
but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling
the payment "Rent for Apartment". On the way to the office, he regretted
what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the
price. So, he sent a check for $250 and enclosed a note:
"Dear Madam:
Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I
rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied;
2. There was plenty of heat; and
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home. Last night,
however,
I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any
heat, and that it was entirely too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately sent back the
following reply:
"Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such a beautiful
apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there
is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space,
the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough
furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord."